Being creative and being artistic do not always go hand-in-hand. Artistic sorority girls can paint scenes of Gatlinburg sunsets onto the side of a cooler, no problem. Creative sorority girls can dream up what they want to paint, but it never turns out quite the way they imagined.
If my ideas require anything other than cutting, pasting, and painting a canvas one color, the result is not fit for public spectacle. Since accepting this, my artistic endeavors have gone from bad (see: formal cooler) to better.
With fall recruitment right around the corner, I have compiled for you a few sorority crafts that look decent while requiring zero artistic ability.
The Glitter State, School and Sorority Canvas
Difficulty level: Kindergarten
First you need to obtain a canvas. I would recommend Joanne’s Fabrics because they text you really good coupons and your other option, Hobby Lobby, hates women. Once you have the canvas, you have to paint it a color. If your sorority’s colors are hideous, which they very well may be considering they were invented in like 1800, you can pick any color you please (I recommend black). Next, you need to buy a glitter page from the scrapbook section. To make this square into a state, you will need to print out an outline of the state and then trace over it with a Sharpie BACKWARDS on the non-glitter side of the glitter paper. Cut. You now have a glitter state. If you’re wealthy, you can purchase a heart stamper while you’re at Joanne’s Fabrics to specify where your college is located within the state. If you can’t afford such a luxury, do not try to cut a heart yourself. You are not artistic enough for that.
Letters
Difficulty level: Second grade
Letters are much trickier, as you are working with a smaller surface area. While it can be tempting to do stripes or even chevron on the letters themselves, you should resist.
“But what if I use tape to get the perfect straight line?”
First of all, when has tape actually ever produced a perfect straight line? It always ends up pealing half the paint with it or bleeding past the line. And when you go to fix that mess you’re just going to make it look even worse.
Solid. Colors.
Once you have painted the letters, hot-glue fake flowers to them. Go with white flowers or all pastels because chances are your little’s room is not Elmo-themed. Remember, sorority art does not exist in a vacuum. These things will be hung among other things, and all these things need to not look like a wreck together.
Inspirational Quote
Difficulty level: Pre-K (if you can find someone else to write the quote)
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Pick a quote, paint the canvas and outsource someone with good handwriting. The only hard part is picking the right quote.
Is your little in need of some encouragement? You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.
Is your little in need of lifestyle advice? Take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.
Is your little slightly boring? A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
Sorority symbol
Difficulty level: Ranges from preschool to college art classes
This obviously depends on which sorority you're in. Some sororities are blessed with easy-to-replicate symbols such as arrows, diamonds or anchors. Others had some absurd-thinking forefathers (foremothers?) who decided on extremely complicated symbols like a dolphin, a turtle, or a lyre (aka, a harp). If you are lucky enough to be in the former category, you can try to draw your symbol on yet another solid-colored canvas or look for it in the sticker section of the craft store.
Do not despair, complicated-symboled-sororities. The good people of Etsy will only charge you $18 plus $8 shipping for a painting of a lyre.
If your crafts are still looking like you made them with your left hand while blindfolded, you better hope your little picked you for your personality, or something like that.
