As a woman with a large bust, I want to tell you all who pine for bigger bosoms that it’s not as great as it seems. It’s actually something that gives me the most feelings of insecurity, physical and emotional discomfort, and takes too much out of my paycheck.

Having “big boobs” is awesome, I suppose until you’ve reached a certain size. Once you go over double D or so, it starts to become more of a burden than a benefit.

The first hassle is finding clothes that fit. I know I sound pretentious complaining that shirts can’t fit my big bust and small waist, but you know what? It really does suck. Almost every cute new trend nowadays has shirts that look amazing on flat chested girls—and when I try them on, I immediately look like a “hussy” despite efforts to conceal and minimize the size of my chest. Whenever I go shopping with my friends, I always leave the mall somewhat demoralized and sad that no matter how much weight I lose, my breasts will still be too big for me to wear clothes that are deemed stylish in society.

I also get judged automatically by men and women. Instead of realizing that I’m actually not trying to call attention there and that it’s really just how my body is, women assume I’m trying to “steal their man," or I’m a “slut” because of how my body is shaped. I get harassed by men constantly, called demeaning names because of my assets, and many men assume I’m asking for these comments because why else would I wear anything that isn’t a turtleneck if I didn’t want that attention?

Another issue is the cost of buying bras that fit me. Not only can I not get the cute and sleek bras from Victoria Secret or Aerie, I have to get boring ones from Nordstrom that end up costing at least $80 a bra. That’s right, I said it. EIGHTY DOLLARS.

Lastly, the physical pain of having big breasts takes a toll on you. I’ve had back problems for years, and have actually had to go to physical therapy because of it. I’ve had doctors tell me that it’s almost certainly because of the extra weight I’m carrying up there. I also can’t do many physical activities, like running or jumping, without fear of embarrassment. I also know that while this is a problem now, it’s only going to get worse over time, and I’m not looking forward to that in the slightest.

I don’t blame girls who are very flat-chested to want more. I understand that. And of course, it’s not always bad having my figure—if I find the right clothes, I can occasionally make it work and feel confident and sexy. However, understand that once you reach a certain size, it can actually be just as irritating as having a flat chest. I often crave those days when I was 14 or 15 when buying bras and clothes wasn’t depressing, didn’t empty my wallet, and when men didn’t give me perverse stares or women didn’t give me the evil eye.

I’ve had people tell me that instead of complaining, or instead of considering breast reduction surgery, I should just try to lose weight and then my size will go down. To those people, I’ll tell you that while I definitely could lose 10 pounds or so, it’s not like I’m overweight at all, and even if my size goes down, I’d have to lose at least 20 pounds for it to make any difference, and I don’t know if that would be the healthiest thing for me. Breast reduction surgery is something I’ve considered, but have for now decided against, because of the long recovery time, cost, and possible negative effects of breastfeeding in the future.

For now, though, I’m trying my best to accept my shape, embrace it, and attempt to keep a positive body image. It’s hard, and still a work in progress, but over time I’m hoping that my negative feelings toward this issue will dissipate.