Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do.

Long distance relationships always get a lot of heat and many people have doubt in whether it'll work or not. What many don't realize is not every long distance relationship is doomed from the start. Yes it's hard and takes a lot of work. Deciding if that work is worth it is the first conversation that you and your significant other should have.

Being in a long distance relationship of my own that isn't going to be long distance anymore, I have realized and learned a lot. Most couples make it harder than it needs to be. I learned that there are 6 basic things you and your significant other can do to make your relationship succeed.

1) Communication

This is the biggest, most important one in my opinion. Not many couples are lucky where their class schedules line up and you're both good at texting back fairly quickly. However, finding time to talk is important. In order for a long distance relationship to work, you both have to know that the other person is there.

Also, talk about your day. Tell them about the stupid thing your friend did or how terribly you think you did on a test. Talk about what they are doing that is bothering you and listen when they tell you about their feelings. If one of you is more focused on talking instead of listening, your relationship won't make it very far.

2) Trust

You're a long ways away from one another. You're going to be constantly wondering what they are up to especially if they aren't texting you back. You need to trust that your significant other is being faithful. Don't become too jealous when your boyfriend talks about another girl and don't become obsessed when your girlfriend talks about her new guy friend. If even one of you has a slight doubt that your significant other will be faithful during this journey, it's going to become fairly difficult to make it work.

Your partner will become upset that you don't trust them, assume that you're accusing them because you're doing something with someone else. This is when tension builds and arguments over little things start to happen.

3) Talk

Make a schedule to talk to one another and no, I do not mean texting. Whether both of you have an iPhone and can FaceTime or you Skype or just short chats on the phone every once in awhile, sit down and figure out a time to talk. Don't think that your significant other doesn't want to talk to you because I can guarantee they do. Be the bigger person. Which leads me to my fourth key to making it work.

4) Say what you want

I know some of you were reading #3 and thinking something along the lines of "why do I always have to do that" or "I just want to feel like they want to talk to me like I want to talk with them" or "that's not fair". I get it, I was the same way. However what I realized is there's no time to be petty. If you want to talk on the phone, see if their busy. If you want to skype, ask. If you want to see them, ask if they're free or there's any way you can make it happen. This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do. Life is too short and the year will be over before you know it. You can have the conversation about expecting what you give back later. Ask for what you want.

5a) Have some fun

This one may throw some people off but this is important too. I know some people aren't comfortable with sending pics and other things like that and if you are not, do not step out of your comfort zone. Your significant other should respect you. This one's for the girls who aren't afraid to do so. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is going through the same thing you are. You both want the same thing and miss each other. Have a little fun. Schedule a night once a week or whatever you are comfortable with to do what you guys enjoying doing.

5b) Snapchat

I'm sure your partner is missing your face as much as you're missing theirs. Don't be afraid to send a ridiculous picture of yourself with a filter or even a cute one after you finish getting ready for the day. This one is for the girls up above as well. Sometimes you just want to see their face or hear their voice. A picture or a video could make both of your days.

6) Unconditional Love

You are going to go through hell. There are going to be times when you want to give up. If you remember that you love each other and find a way to work through the hard times, you two will be unstoppable. No relationship ever survived because someone didn't care. You have to dedicate a lot to make this work and having that love for one another is going to help you feel a lot more at ease.

There are a lot more small things that you can do to help this process but, due to my own experience, those were the big 6 that I found to help me and my relationship the most. It hasn't been easy all the time. However, knowing I wasn't the only one feeling this way and missing him helped this whole process.

Just remember that if you want it to work, make it work. Life is too short. Don't be afraid to fight for what you want.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Really Work

It's not just a myth for the movies!

Newsflash: distance doesn’t have to ruin your relationship.

It’s hard to imagine when you’ve never had to spend more than a day or two without seeing your partner. If a few days of separation makes you miserable, it’s even worse to think about the weeks or possibly months, that you’ll have to spend apart. Distance isn’t the ultimate relationship killer, however, and no, successful long-distance relationships aren’t myths. Here is a handy go-to guide in having your relationship survive the dreadful time apart:

First, you should really consider the relationship you’re in: is it situational? In a situational relationship, your partner is only in your future because you haven’t experienced an environment away from them. A lot of high-school romances, unfortunately, are situational. Since you have them in classes every day, or you drive them to school in the mornings, or you spend every lunch together, it’s hard not to imagine them with you. The reason so many relationships end once college begins is that suddenly, you realize that you loved them because they were there. It wasn’t because they shared the same future goals as you, or because you would genuinely do anything for them, but because you were in each other’s circles all the time. It was a convenient relationship that made you happy while you were in high school, but now you’ve seen a bigger world, and suddenly their presence isn’t necessary. If you can sit down now, and consider the grounds in which your relationship was formed, congrats. Most people can’t, and won’t realize that they’re only dating someone because their options in their setting are limited. If you fear your relationship may be situational, then it may be time to have a talk with your partner.

If not, the first step in a long-distance relationship (and any relationship, really) is constant communication. I’m not advising you to phone your partner at every given free moment. You should, however, text them throughout the day, and throughout the weeks you’re apart. Schedule time for phone calls and FaceTimes that fit with both of your plans. Set time aside to just talk to your partner. Even if you just send them a few memes throughout the day that remind you of them, or if you call every night to say goodnight before you sleep- it’s important to reach out on a daily or regular basis. If you only send them your SnapChat streaks and call once a week, that’s not going to cut it. The communication, really, is half the battle. If you can find a steady schedule to keep yourselves connected, you’re doing a great job already.

Next, you should work on scheduling times to see each other. This one could be tricky, especially if the distance is a 6+ hour drive. Develop a balance so the two of you both make the effort for visitation. Plan dates that work within your schedules and actually commit to them. If neither of you can travel to see each other until winter break, that’s a-okay: as long as you both agree to that plan. Do not force your partner to drive to see you all the time, but refuse to take the bus to go visit them, too.

Sidenote: surprise visits can actually not be so great and romantic as you think, especially if one or both of you have roommates. Your partner will need to give their roommate the heads-up before you spend a few nights, so you do actually need to plan the visits accordingly.

Send each other things. Sincerely, sending little care packages or handwritten letters or little presents just for fun can add the romantic quality to your relationship that’s usually completed by dates. This one you don’t have to plan out; it’s actually cuter sometimes to send your partner a gift in the mail and have them be surprised by it. Of course, you don’t have to send them things all the time (since, you know, postage costs money) but being thoughtful every now and then is a cute way to show your partner you still care, especially if you can’t see them too often. And obviously, don’t forget each other’s birthdays or Valentine’s Day, if you won’t be together in person!

Don't give up. There’s a big difference in saying “This isn’t making me happy anymore” and “If we never see each other, what’s the point?” If you fall into the first realization, it’s possible that the relationship just isn’t working out. But if you believe in the second, you may not be able to have a long-distance relationship; most of your relationships are probably situational. That’s okay! Fortunately for you, you’ll always be able to find romance, wherever you go.

If you want to keep a long-distance relationship, because it makes you really happy, but the thought of not seeing your person makes you hopeless- keep going! Keep a physical calendar and mark down the days until you’re reunited. A few weeks apart is nothing in comparison to the months you’ll have together over the summer, and the years you’ll have together if you plan on staying together after college. The time will move much quicker than you think, I promise.

There are ways to make it work, especially if you’re willing to put in the effort. Again, all relationships require work to make them last, so as long as you understand that it’s not going to be like the movies, and it will require a give-and-take, your relationship can survive anything- even distance.

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How To Survive Long Distance

No one wants a horny bitch.

Alas, the spring semester is winding down to its last strings. Here at Syracuse University, goose jackets are being abandoned, skin is finally seeing the light of day, and Mayfest is becoming the only highlight of the semester.

This only means one thing: our abroad flock is finally coming home.

Whether your best friend was out partying in Prague and finding the man of her dreams or your boyfriend was out drinking belligerently till 3 a.m. every weekday, their abroad journeys are coming to an end. They will soon be back to reality.

Reality meaning, Gucci Mane, snow showers in April, Chick-Fil-A, summer internships, and petty parents who've missed us way too much.

Nothing truly made me more jittery when I knew my person (too weird to say, boyfriend, so let's just say person for now) was out clubbing in Euro-buttfuck-nowhere while I was twiddling my thumbs playing PandaPop on my phone and watching another rerun of Friends.

As my person is soon hopping on his plane back home, he should be just as thrilled to head back to America as drugged Kirsten Wiig was on her freaking plane to Vegas in Bridesmaids. My person should be relaxed and ready to party. Relaxed and ready, as in, relaxed and ready to see my beautiful face once again.

How did I do it, you may ask? How did I survive the dreary, cold, bitter months in Syracuse while I knew my person was getting spoiled with Italian cappuccinos, cannolis as long as his freaking arm, Versace, the Ponte Vecchio, and gay locals who hit on him bar upon bar?

I took a deep breath, threw back a shot, waited for Syracuse's win against Duke (which never happened) and vicariously lived my life through my friends (who were pulling so many one night stands, that by the end I thought they were genuinely paying these frat boys).

The trick to long distance requires a couple of things - here's your quick guidebook.

1. Let go of the jealousy and stop avoiding them

Okay, we get it. You're jealous. You're stuck here, while he/she is traveling the world, getting drunk off of wine tours and giving zero fucks towards any class. As a result, all you want is to avoid he/she out of jealousy.

Avoiding the person you care about out of envy means you're being selfish AF. Whether you're frustrated your person isn't here or you're pissed because they're doing what you want to be doing, be happy and be there for them. Avoiding them will only make you look petty, and no one wants that.

2. Keep busy

While they're busy, you should be busy too. If you're distracted by their experience, make an experience of your own. Get involved in something you never thought you would. Start studying for a class that you never thought you had time for.

Live your life. Don't be overshadowed by your person's experience. You could be having just as much fun. It's truly what you make of it.

3. Make new friends

Now that your favorite person is gone, you only have a select few of people that you can actually stand. Take advantage of this and make new ones. Hang out with people you never thought you would have. Go out with a different group. To summarize, start fresh.

4. Take advantage of the time to yourself

Remember when you were trying to equal your time spent with ~your person~ and your friends? Now's your time to have a decent amount of time with your friends and make free time for yourself.

Go to the gym, read a freaking book, get fat (or don't), get your work done, or I don't know--just get your life together? Stop stressing about your abroad S.O., just be happy with yourself.

5. Facetime

This does not mean facetime him/her when they're out. This also does not mean facetime every day. Keep it often, but not always. Every once in a while, it's great to see his/her face to make sure everything is still in check.

6. Give each other space

Don't text 24/7. Don't think that you need to hear an update on their experience every hour. If you genuinely think you need an hourly update, you're going to be taking up all of their time abroad. Let them experience it and get a life of your own.

7. Stop complaining

Your friends have heard enough of your worries, your complaints and your constant need for affection. They understand you're upset. Don't lose sight of their happiness through your misery. No one wants a horny bitch. You'll lose your friends before ~your person~ even comes home.

8. Pay a visit

......if you're not dead broke.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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