Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do.
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Long distance relationships always get a lot of heat and many people have doubt in whether it'll work or not. What many don't realize is not every long distance relationship is doomed from the start. Yes it's hard and takes a lot of work. Deciding if that work is worth it is the first conversation that you and your significant other should have.

Being in a long distance relationship of my own that isn't going to be long distance anymore, I have realized and learned a lot. Most couples make it harder than it needs to be. I learned that there are 6 basic things you and your significant other can do to make your relationship succeed.

1) Communication

This is the biggest, most important one in my opinion. Not many couples are lucky where their class schedules line up and you're both good at texting back fairly quickly. However, finding time to talk is important. In order for a long distance relationship to work, you both have to know that the other person is there.

Also, talk about your day. Tell them about the stupid thing your friend did or how terribly you think you did on a test. Talk about what they are doing that is bothering you and listen when they tell you about their feelings. If one of you is more focused on talking instead of listening, your relationship won't make it very far.

2) Trust

You're a long ways away from one another. You're going to be constantly wondering what they are up to especially if they aren't texting you back. You need to trust that your significant other is being faithful. Don't become too jealous when your boyfriend talks about another girl and don't become obsessed when your girlfriend talks about her new guy friend. If even one of you has a slight doubt that your significant other will be faithful during this journey, it's going to become fairly difficult to make it work.

Your partner will become upset that you don't trust them, assume that you're accusing them because you're doing something with someone else. This is when tension builds and arguments over little things start to happen.

3) Talk

Make a schedule to talk to one another and no, I do not mean texting. Whether both of you have an iPhone and can FaceTime or you Skype or just short chats on the phone every once in awhile, sit down and figure out a time to talk. Don't think that your significant other doesn't want to talk to you because I can guarantee they do. Be the bigger person. Which leads me to my fourth key to making it work.

4) Say what you want

I know some of you were reading #3 and thinking something along the lines of "why do I always have to do that" or "I just want to feel like they want to talk to me like I want to talk with them" or "that's not fair". I get it, I was the same way. However what I realized is there's no time to be petty. If you want to talk on the phone, see if their busy. If you want to skype, ask. If you want to see them, ask if they're free or there's any way you can make it happen. This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do. Life is too short and the year will be over before you know it. You can have the conversation about expecting what you give back later. Ask for what you want.

5a) Have some fun

This one may throw some people off but this is important too. I know some people aren't comfortable with sending pics and other things like that and if you are not, do not step out of your comfort zone. Your significant other should respect you. This one's for the girls who aren't afraid to do so. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is going through the same thing you are. You both want the same thing and miss each other. Have a little fun. Schedule a night once a week or whatever you are comfortable with to do what you guys enjoying doing.

5b) Snapchat

I'm sure your partner is missing your face as much as you're missing theirs. Don't be afraid to send a ridiculous picture of yourself with a filter or even a cute one after you finish getting ready for the day. This one is for the girls up above as well. Sometimes you just want to see their face or hear their voice. A picture or a video could make both of your days.

6) Unconditional Love

You are going to go through hell. There are going to be times when you want to give up. If you remember that you love each other and find a way to work through the hard times, you two will be unstoppable. No relationship ever survived because someone didn't care. You have to dedicate a lot to make this work and having that love for one another is going to help you feel a lot more at ease.

There are a lot more small things that you can do to help this process but, due to my own experience, those were the big 6 that I found to help me and my relationship the most. It hasn't been easy all the time. However, knowing I wasn't the only one feeling this way and missing him helped this whole process.

Just remember that if you want it to work, make it work. Life is too short. Don't be afraid to fight for what you want.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Long Distance Relationships Can Be The Most Rewarding

Sure, it may suck... But it may prove to bring you both closer.

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I'm no Dr. Phil. I can't provide statistical evidence, doctorate-level advice, or solid proof that this is an undeniable fact. I can, however, speak from personal experience. In some cases, that can be worth more than any psychological theory.

I'm here to say that long distance relationships can be incredibly rewarding. Take note that I did not say fun. I attend the University of Alabama, and Drew, my boyfriend of nearly a year attends a small school in Montana. If you do the math, we're approximately 1,407 miles away (but who's counting)?? Before beginning our freshman year of college, we spent nearly every day together. Now, I'm lucky if I see him every three months or so. Often, the closest we have to being together is a FaceTime call. There are some days where I would give anything just for a hug or kiss. This sounds horrible right?

Here's the thing. I honestly wouldn't trade this experience. Long distance forces couples to strengthen their emotional, mental, and spiritual bond; without putting effort into this, the relationship will fail. Long distance forces you to develop as an individual through trials because your partner isn't there in person to fall on. Long distance allows you to experience college as an individual in ways that you may not if you were always together. Even more so, long distance develops the relationship itself.

If you do not see a legitimate future with the person you are dating, please do not even consider an LD relationship. I personally date to marry, as does my boyfriend, and if this were not the case, I don't think it would work. There has to be an immense level of trust between the two partners. The temptation is real, always present, and easy to succumb to in college. If you can't trust your partner to not cheat when you're together, why would you trust them when you're apart? I have personally had individuals in LD relationships nonchalantly tell me about their inappropriate escapades and cheating behavior. This consistently damages the image of LD relationships and causes people to believe it could never work.

However, when you truly love someone, it can make your relationship flourish to new heights. When you completely remove any physical aspects, everything has to rely on the emotional, mental, and spiritual. We have come to understand each other better as individuals, and how to help one another in different situations. His understanding of my emotions and feelings has grown exponentially, and vice versa.

We spend more time in the Word together than previously, because we both believe the relationship can only flourish if it is rooted in Christ. We send texts throughout the day and call whenever we can just to remind the other that we're thinking of them. Long distance causes us to truly cherish the time we do get to spend together, and it makes reunions that much sweeter. So, yes, long distance sucks. But, I wouldn't trade the growth we've experienced for anything.

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