Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

Big 6 to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do.
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Long distance relationships always get a lot of heat and many people have doubt in whether it'll work or not. What many don't realize is not every long distance relationship is doomed from the start. Yes it's hard and takes a lot of work. Deciding if that work is worth it is the first conversation that you and your significant other should have.

Being in a long distance relationship of my own that isn't going to be long distance anymore, I have realized and learned a lot. Most couples make it harder than it needs to be. I learned that there are 6 basic things you and your significant other can do to make your relationship succeed.

1) Communication

This is the biggest, most important one in my opinion. Not many couples are lucky where their class schedules line up and you're both good at texting back fairly quickly. However, finding time to talk is important. In order for a long distance relationship to work, you both have to know that the other person is there.

Also, talk about your day. Tell them about the stupid thing your friend did or how terribly you think you did on a test. Talk about what they are doing that is bothering you and listen when they tell you about their feelings. If one of you is more focused on talking instead of listening, your relationship won't make it very far.

2) Trust

You're a long ways away from one another. You're going to be constantly wondering what they are up to especially if they aren't texting you back. You need to trust that your significant other is being faithful. Don't become too jealous when your boyfriend talks about another girl and don't become obsessed when your girlfriend talks about her new guy friend. If even one of you has a slight doubt that your significant other will be faithful during this journey, it's going to become fairly difficult to make it work.

Your partner will become upset that you don't trust them, assume that you're accusing them because you're doing something with someone else. This is when tension builds and arguments over little things start to happen.

3) Talk

Make a schedule to talk to one another and no, I do not mean texting. Whether both of you have an iPhone and can FaceTime or you Skype or just short chats on the phone every once in awhile, sit down and figure out a time to talk. Don't think that your significant other doesn't want to talk to you because I can guarantee they do. Be the bigger person. Which leads me to my fourth key to making it work.

4) Say what you want

I know some of you were reading #3 and thinking something along the lines of "why do I always have to do that" or "I just want to feel like they want to talk to me like I want to talk with them" or "that's not fair". I get it, I was the same way. However what I realized is there's no time to be petty. If you want to talk on the phone, see if their busy. If you want to skype, ask. If you want to see them, ask if they're free or there's any way you can make it happen. This long distance thing is tough but it won't work if you're going to sit back and wait for them to want what you do. Life is too short and the year will be over before you know it. You can have the conversation about expecting what you give back later. Ask for what you want.

5a) Have some fun

This one may throw some people off but this is important too. I know some people aren't comfortable with sending pics and other things like that and if you are not, do not step out of your comfort zone. Your significant other should respect you. This one's for the girls who aren't afraid to do so. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is going through the same thing you are. You both want the same thing and miss each other. Have a little fun. Schedule a night once a week or whatever you are comfortable with to do what you guys enjoying doing.

5b) Snapchat

I'm sure your partner is missing your face as much as you're missing theirs. Don't be afraid to send a ridiculous picture of yourself with a filter or even a cute one after you finish getting ready for the day. This one is for the girls up above as well. Sometimes you just want to see their face or hear their voice. A picture or a video could make both of your days.

6) Unconditional Love

You are going to go through hell. There are going to be times when you want to give up. If you remember that you love each other and find a way to work through the hard times, you two will be unstoppable. No relationship ever survived because someone didn't care. You have to dedicate a lot to make this work and having that love for one another is going to help you feel a lot more at ease.

There are a lot more small things that you can do to help this process but, due to my own experience, those were the big 6 that I found to help me and my relationship the most. It hasn't been easy all the time. However, knowing I wasn't the only one feeling this way and missing him helped this whole process.

Just remember that if you want it to work, make it work. Life is too short. Don't be afraid to fight for what you want.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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How I'm Surviving Long-Distance With The Friend I Didn't Want To Leave

Two friends who weren't ready to leave each other.

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Lani and I met right when I moved to a new town in South Carolina. I was ten years old and she was in my Sunday school class at synagogue. After my first class was over, I found out that our moms had become friends downstairs while we were upstairs learning. Soon after, I went with my mom to their house and our friendship began. Almost nine years later, we are less like friends and more like sisters.

We think that the thing that really made our friendship last was that we never went to school together, so we only saw each other once a week. Through the grade school friendships that came and went, ours never faded. We were constants in each other's lives — at least until she moved away. Her dad got a job in Ohio our senior year of high school.

She finished out the year and went back and forth between home and her new home all summer. I was so scared about what this meant for us. I thought this eight-year friendship had taken its last breath. She was living in Ohio and going to college in Washington D.C., and I was living in South Carolina and going to school in Alabama. No way we could keep that going. But we kept texting, and FaceTiming, and most importantly, we kept missing each other. We went ten months without seeing one another. The fact that we stayed close is honestly a miracle.

Since we weren't in each other's lives at all we had so much to talk about. We laughed about how her roommate had the exact same first and middle name as I do, and that she hangs out with my sister a lot since she also lives in Washington. We would reminisce about how cringy we used to be making little movies on her old laptop, and that we had no clue how lucky we were to be able to see each other whenever we wanted.

At the end of the school year, we promised each other that we had to meet up one way or another over the summer. We were rather reckless and bought plane tickets to San Francisco with pretty minimal planning. I felt my body bursting with excitement. I would say things to my friends like "Hey only 42 days until San Francisco," to which they usually didn't reply since they weren't the ones going and they really didn't care. But really, who could blame them; I was being very obnoxious.

42 days later finally came, and I speed-walked off my plane at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport to find Lani at my gate. We hugged, then immediately said, "Ew, we never hug." I didn't care though. I was happy to be with my best friend and felt such pride in the fact that we made it through ten months of separation and we could pick up right where we left off.

The trip was amazing, and I wanted to cry when it was over (partially because I was sad to leave Lani, and partially because I was taking a red-eye flight that took off at midnight and I was exhausted). We parted ways, fully knowing that it might be another ten months - or maybe longer - before we could see each other again. But this time, I wasn't so worried about us. I know we'll always end up in each other's weddings and at each other's children's weddings one day.

*Side note: In case you are worried about the length of our separation, don't be! We have plans to see each other in September.

Cover Image Credit:

Juliana Strobing

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