I move into my college dorm on Friday, and as excited as I am, there is a small part of me that is also dreading the move. I hate change. As much as I would love being back in my uniform and seeing my friends again on the first days of my high school years, I hated having a new schedule, where I needed to figure out new ways to get to my locker in between classes while still making it from one building to another on time. I hated having new teachers, who didn’t know my study habits or my learning strengths, and I hated the new seating arrangements, which put me sitting next to people I wasn’t acquainted with and viewing the room at a completely different angle than I was before. And don’t even get me started on when the teachers would move our seats halfway through the year.
I don’t as much hate change as I hate what comes with change. I hate unfamiliarity; in the first few days of each year of high school, I didn’t know when the teacher would be available to see me if I had trouble. I didn't know how I was going to respond to their teaching methods. I didn’t know if this would be a class I would struggle with or enjoy.
For me, there is an element of fear in unfamiliarity, an element that seems to have taken over my life in the past few weeks. Just as I had usually dreaded the first day of high school, I am terrified of moving to college. But I have new fears now: not being able to make friends, having trouble handling the stress of college classes, being unable to balance class, extracurriculars and friends (if I make any), and living with a roommate for the first time ever.
I'm trying to take life one day at a time right now. As I see pictures of my high school friends in their new dorms and cities and I begin to pack my things for the move, I find both the excitement and the fear growing inside of me at the same rate, although I'm trying to suppress the fear. I know that I’m ready. I'm a social person who loves to talk, so between class, rugby, campus ministry, and hall bathrooms (unfortunately), I should be able to make friends. I know Mount Carmel has prepared me more than enough for any stressful situation a college class may bring, and I’ve always been able to manage my time pretty well. My roommate and I have been speaking often, and I think we will be able to easily tackle any problems that come our way. But despite all of this, I'm still nervous. And, let’s be real, if my anxiety-ridden self ever listened to the reasonable part of my brain, I would be a completely different person.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things.” — Philippians 4:6-8
