New Year, new me.

The phrase that keeps popping up everywhere. New Year's resolutions are cliché, yet they give off the allusion of new hope for the year to come, for the person you'll be. For me, I have been trying to be someone who I'm not for 21 years. I try so hard to please everyone and yet, the only person who I don't please is myself.

The summer of 2017 I got my very first tattoo: "For you, a thousand times over". The quote is from Khaled Hosseini's "The Kite Runner". For me, the quote is a promise to always put myself first. Unfortunately, there have been so many times where I have found myself feeling on the back burner in most of the relationships I've had; whether that's been with my family, friends, or even romantically. I always try to go above and beyond to have these connections with people, who never seem to put anything back into those relationships. For the longest time I questioned what I was doing wrong, or why I wasn't enough for them. I would constantly be the first to call, text, make plans,; anything to feel affection. I have not been keeping that promise I made to myself at all. It wasn't until one day that i have my "Ah-Ha" moment:

I AM ENOUGH.

I am tired of letting other people's actions dictate my feelings. I am the only one who can control my feelings and how I react to other people's actions. I don't need these one handed relationships to feel happiness or even joy in my life. So, is it selfish to stop being the first person to reach out? I don't think so. I feel that healthy distance in life will show people's true colors. Some people will try to make it your fault that the reason you don't text each other is because you do not text them first.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT WORTH IT IN YOUR LIFE.

Don't let others stifle your happiness. If someone is not contributing to your growth and success, then they are not worth your time or energy. Be selfish in life. It's ok, I promise.