Recently, I have heard of many people who missed their "chance." When they see that one girl they really liked in high school but never said anything or that job interview they didn't go to because they thought, "what's the point?" I mean it's been quite a few years between the incident and regret, but here they are...still wishing they had done things differently. I didn't think much of it when I was younger, I was afraid of everything and to ensure safety, there was no taking risk. Guess where I am now... HA!
I really started thinking about that one question, "would you rather deal with 'what if' or 'oh well?" If anyone asked me when I was seventeen, I would most definitely say "what if." I mean we are talking about a young teenage girl who thought you could get high by kissing someone who smoked. Yikes. I was not in anyway experienced in anything outside what my parents laid out for me. And for those making assumptions: Yes, I was in the marching band. No, I was not cool. Yes, I grew out of it.
The thing I was always afraid of was: making a mistake. "What if I choose wrong? What if this isn't the answer to lifelong happiness?" Newsflash Alyssa Marie: that is not how life works. Also, I have made so many mistakes...at this point I'm kind of like, "What's next?" Now, I am not as afraid because of something someone very close to me shared her regrets with me. There were a lot and some were things she could have changed if she was not paralyzed with fear. She told me she was proud of me for doing things that I wanted to do, for taking risks. I did not know that this lovely lady was afraid of anything. I view her as the backbone of our entire family. I have always believed her to be the fearless and courageous woman that inspired me to live the life I do. When she told me I am unlike her because she thinks I am unafraid of anything...um... what? She said to me, "You learned how to drive, go to school, love, live without family, live without a man to take care of you, you have done so much with your life mijita."
She is definitely from an older generation but regardless, she made sacrifices I could never imagine making and doing things I could never imagine doing! I love that old woman so much but it is true, she is riddled with regret and I just go for things I want to do when I can! I cannot imagine being in my old age and holding that pain of wondering "what if" after all these years. I think that is why I live like I do, I want to make sure I have stories to share with her. That old lady loves when I sit with her and tell her things I have done that she has and unfortunately will never be able to do...
The risks I did not take at eighteen are sitting in front of me. They haven't gone anywhere because that is what is meant for me and I cannot run from them anymore. I am going to apply for the "hard" adult job even if I feel unqualified. I am going to talk to that man who makes me weak at the knees (well...no promises but I'll look at him really intensely. Hey, it's a hard life when you haven't dated in awhile but I'm trying). And I am going to pierce my nose because THIS ISN'T A PHASE MOM, THIS IS THE REAL ME!
Like I have said before, fight for the life you want to live. I will always push that for people I love but do not get confused..it is a FIGHT to have the life you want. But hear me when I say, it is the best thing anyone could possibly do for themselves. Good luck to everyone who has had regrets and who has made mistakes. Life keeps going! Try to live with mindfulness and strength and watch how you glow when you continue to grow. I believe in you, even if you don't.
