Well, I guess I’m stuck with her.
My entire life has been Raeann and Kaelyn; The Buskey Twins; The Girls. In elementary, middle, and high school, "Buskey", our last name, was most commonly used to address my sister or myself because people didn’t want to be wrong or didn’t care enough to try and get it right; my dad even struggles to tell us apart sometimes.
Raeann and I don’t exactly help anybody out either. We have always worn our hair the same way, worn similar style clothing, played the same sports, practically existed as the same person in two different bodies.
Now it’s time for someone to say what it’s really like to be an identical twin, so here we go.
Being a twin is not like having a sister; similar, but not the same, especially since we’re identical. We shared the same womb, we share the same DNA, and it’s not that profound of a concept that we like the same things. No, I can’t feel her pain; if we're standing beside each other and you hit my sister, I will not feel it.
Our connection exists on a level that is much deeper than that.
There’s a knot in the pit of my stomach and it gets bigger and bigger when something is wrong, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically. It’s simply a feeling, a gut instinct, unexplainable and unaffected by anyone other than my sister.
What does this unexplainable connection mean for us? I am forever connected to someone. When she succeeds, so do I. When she falters, I pick her back up; she would do the exact same thing for me. I’m never alone. She’s always there, even when she isn’t physically. She’s my built-in best friend. I didn’t have to go make one on the first day of kindergarten, because I walked in the building holding her hand. We’ve grown up and done everything together. You want to pick a fight with one of us? That’s fine. But it will be two against one; prepare to lose.
Being an identical twin doesn’t come without its drawbacks as well. One of the biggest sacrifices that Raeann and I have made because we are identical twins is our individuality.
Growing up, we were rarely addressed by our first names. It was easier for people to use one name rather than try and learn who was who. The majority of my life I haven’t been addressed by my first name.
It felt almost foreign and like it didn't belong to me when someone would use it. I was not individual. I existed, instead, and was identified as a part of a category of people. My last name. Buskey. Category. Plural. Not individual. Everyone wants to grow up and figure out who they are as an individual, a contributor to our society. That becomes so much harder when no one could get the one part of you right that truly helps you identify as an individual: my first name. Kaelyn.
But shout out to the people that tried to get Raeann and I right; to identify us as more than a category. Raeann and I sure do get a kick out of that defeated look and the sheer determination to get it right the next time. That is all Raeann and I ask for, all we have really ever wanted. It’s similar to kids in school that had older siblings. That teacher that had your older sibling, looking at you and still calling you your older sibling's name, even though you’re a different gender, with different hair color, and you definitely don’t sound like them. Yeah, that’s Raeann and me just about every single day of our lives.
Oh but of course, I have to give a shout out to my sister: my other half, my biggest fan, my worst critic, mind reader, and sentence-finisher. Thank you for being there for me, putting up with me, and letting me do stupid things while you get blamed for them. There’s no one else I’d rather be compared to for my entire life. Our lives may not be simple, our lives may not be completely defined by our own thoughts and actions, but if I had to share and compare it to anybody else, I’m really glad that it’s you.
True life: This is mine and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
