Nearly three months ago, I started down this terrifying journey that I've unofficially titled "I'm Not Going to Let My Anxiety and Depressive Episodes Steal My Joy Anymore." That journey began when I realized that my occasional panic attacks and negative self-talk were becoming uncomfortably frequent.
I would find myself completely paralyzed at my job, unable to focus or function, with my "hamster wheel" brain going round and round. My inner monologue telling me that all of my coworkers think I'm incompetent, I'm basically useless, and whatever else terrible, horrible things my anxiety could come up with. None of which was logical, but all felt very real.
Although it was long overdue, I finally took the steps towards finding a therapist. For some people, finding a therapist, psychologist or counselor is an obvious step. For me, it was like a terrifying first date. What if I didn't find the right one? What if they tell me something is seriously wrong with me? What are my parents going to think?
It didn't make it easy that I've come from a family where conversations about mental health are pretty much non-existent. But I took a leap forward, right into a big comfy chair in front of a woman who would soon see the deepest corners of my brain. And slowly but surely I'm working through the thoughts that have sought to destroy my happiness and confidence.
One of the biggest inspirations for taking that leap? A couple wonderful and brave people in my life who were open about their experiences with a therapist. Hearing about what they've learned in their weekly sessions and seeing their growth lit a fire beneath me to get the help I needed. And although my first priority in seeing a therapist is to work through my own mental garbage, one of my biggest hopes is that one day I'll see the fruits of my labors not just in my own life, but in those around me.
I'm excited for the day when I see it in my boyfriend's life, who will get to spend much more time talking about his emotions rather than constantly having to hold and comfort me. When I'll see it in my family's life as mental health becomes a welcomed conversation. And when I'll see it in the lives of my friends in the same position I was in and when a simple "I see a therapist and I love it," gives them the same push that I needed.
Seeking out help should first and foremost be for you, because you know you need it. But if you're someone who consistently puts everyone around you before yourself, know that when you're working on bettering your own mental health, it does wonderful things for your relationships.
Regardless of what you're battling, I believe that it's so important to speak with a professional, to meet with someone who can give you clarity and guidance. Someone who can help you understand that you aren't your struggles and that it's completely possible to tackle the issues you're facing. You'll thank yourself later on and then, even later on, the people who know and love you will thank you too.
