There are many definitions of the word, “Love,” both dictionary defined, and our own personal beliefs. Everyone has different ways to show that they Love someone. One dictionary definition of love, in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary to be exact, is, “unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” To me, this means putting someone before yourself for their own good. This is one definition of Love that I firmly believe in.
Over winter break, my sister, my mom, and I took a trip to Vietnam. I was adopted when I was four months old by a single mother, and it was my first time back since. Family is a big part of my life and we are all very close. We explored a lot in Vietnam; we toured Saigon, shopped in the astonishing Ben Thanh Market, took a boat down The Mekong Delta, visited the busy floating market, and even donated a sampan. All of that was absolutely amazing in itself, but one of the best things we did was meet my birth mom.
We had been searching for my birth mother for a number of months prior to our trip, all the information we had was what province I was born in and which orphanage I had lived in. Remarkably, with the help of our travel agency, we ended up finding my birth mother . My mom was always very supportive and ran all the information she got throughout the process by me, trusting me to make the final decisions. She was always there for me if I wanted to talk about it and even encouraged me to meet with my birth mom. My mom adopted me as a single parent. She didn’t care if I wasn’t her child biologically, but she knew she wanted a daughter. She was always open with me about my adoption story and how I came to be in her life. My mom loved me enough to tell me the truth about me being adopted from day one and allowed me to grow as a person because of it. My mom knows that I have two moms but she also knows that they played two totally different roles in my life. My adoptive mom is, well, my mom; the one who took care of me, fed me, watched me take my first steps, sent me off to kindergarten, and watched me graduate from high school. She loved me enough to raise and guide me in the right directions in life, and enough to help me discover where I came from. That to me is an amazing description of the word “Love.”
We were on a bus on the way to Vinh Long, the province where I was born and where my birth mom was living. There were a lot of thoughts going through my head -- I honestly didn’t know what to expect. At this point, I only had one question I really wanted to ask her, “Why did you give me up for adoption?” We were meeting her at a tiny outdoor cafe; when we got there the translator brought her back and we met for the first time since the day I was born. It was an incredible feeling sitting next to my birth mom, but at the same time it felt like I was sitting next to a stranger because in a way, I was.
While talking to her, I learned that I was the youngest of four children, two boys and two girls. All of us were adopted out to different families. When I asked why I was given up for adoption my birth mother explained that my uncle, whom they lived with said, “If you have a baby you can’t live here.” They had little choice, since they were too poor to buy a house of their own. For them it was a lose-lose situation. Option one: keep me but live on the streets without access to food and unable to provide for me; or option two: give me up for adoption. When I was born, my birth father put their address on the hospital’s paperwork and they left right after I was delivered. I was then taken to the orphanage while government officials and nurses filled out abandonment paperwork. After that, the orphanage staff and government official went to the house listed on the hospital’s paperwork. My birth father answered the door and denied that they had a baby. You see, if they did not put their address on the paperwork or deny that they had a baby, because of the law, I would have been un-adoptable and had to live in the orphanage until I was of age and kicked out. This to me is one of the greatest kinds of love. When my birth mother told me, “The biggest mistake of my life was giving up my children,” she was able to physically let go of her own flesh and blood just to put our needs before hers. The fact that she did it for our well-being showed just how much she loved us.
I believe in love because I have seen it break through in so many ways throughout this process. A huge reason why I didn’t had any negative thoughts through the process is because I’ve always believed that every decision made, was made out of love. My mom showed me love by letting me explore my past and where I came from, something that was important to me. My birth mom showed me love by putting my needs and well being before her own. She knew I had a chance at a better life if she put me up for adoption. Going through this with my family and friends, as well as meeting with my birth mom, proved to me further that I am where I am now because of love.
