The one thing I always remember my mom telling me as I was growing up was that I needed to be the bigger person- "Be the bigger person, Madison." No matter what the situation was, or whether I was in the wrong, she always, ALWAYS told me to hold my head high, apologize, and then let it be. When I found Christ, I began receiving similar advice from Priests and youth ministers. What they taught me was to pray for your enemies and that "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also," (Matthew 5:39.) However, as much as I wanted to be able to take this advice, I never found myself all that great at it. I'm a fighter by nature, so when someone slaps me, I always feel the need to slap them right back.
About two months ago, I found myself in an all-too-familiar situation; fighting with someone I had considered a very close friend. I talked to my mom about it and I talked to God about it and I received the same message from both of them: be the bigger person. I made a decision one night to not fight back; to not feed the fire of the confrontation. Of course, that is not to say that I laid back and let this person walk all over me, but that I simply forgave them and began moving on with my own life and didn't let their actions affect me. When the friendship eventually caved in on itself and died out, I began to pray. I prayed not for a renewal of the relationship, nor for that person to regret the choice to end it, but I prayed for their forgiveness and that God send his grace to them.
Two months later, I still pray for this person every night. Whenever I see her, whenever someone speaks about her, even if I just happen to think of her, I pray. And overtime, I began to see God’s love shine through the unfortunate loss of our friendship. I found myself growing taller, I actually felt my heart grow into the bigger person. Amazing things happen when you pray for your enemy. Not the least of which is that you realize that person isn’t your enemy at all. Things happen and people fall apart from one another, but that shouldn’t mean they should then despise the other. Our only enemy is The Enemy himself. Once you can look beyond the other person, his efforts to continuously corrupt humanity reveal themselves. Again, God’s love and will have the ability to shine through even the most dramatic situations, so long as one looks for it.
So what happens when you love the person who sought to hurt you? Well for me, I became closer to my God, my family, my friends and myself. I also became completely and truly happy and at peace. Most of all, I found myself letting go of petty things, not giving in to gossip or anger. My ability of self control increased dramatically. Overall, I matured in a noticeable way. Looking back, I am thankful for God and for my former friend for taking the initiative at ending a harmful friendship, knowing the way it happened was necessary for me to let go of it.
So, thank you mom for drilling the need to “be the bigger person” in my mind for my entire life. I know I don't tell you this enough, but you were right.
