How strange does it sound to say that I am a writer who is scared of writing? Maybe it isn’t as peculiar to you as it is to me, but for years now I have loved to write, but am too scared to show it. People would always ask to read my work, giving me a confused look when I would awkwardly shake my head no. It is not that I don’t want people to read it, I am just too terrified for them to see it. I fear the judgment of others. An underlining fear of if I am good enough always creeps up in the back of my mind when someone brings up my writing. It is wonderful when people show their support, and I know reading can be a way of supporting, but it is nearly impossible to bring myself to show them the saved files on my laptop.
For the years I have been writing, my work has been put out there. Nothing dramatic, and everything under an anonymous name. This is always the trickiest part when I explain to people why I don’t show them my writing. It is not that I do not want people reading it, it is the idea of watching someone’s face as they read it. Getting in-person reactions and having the fear of disappointment. For lots of writers, writing is their thing. This is their talent, and the thing that they have dedicated themselves to. This doesn’t just apply to writers. Many people live under the fear of not being good enough.
As a writer who is scared to write, life can be complicated. Pushing the envelope is allowing someone to read one of your pieces. It is always feel like you are letting a dark secret slip away. Your head swarms with thoughts on what they might say. Your biggest fear is the simple words of “It’s just OK.” You don’t expect them to gush over it, but you poured your soul into some of those pieces, and those few words can bring your world crashing down.
Writing is not easy. It is time, creativity and dedication. We don’t just sit down for 15 minutes and throw words on a piece of paper. We spend countless hours thinking and creating new ways to put a story together. We research to find all the right answers. As a person who is hoping to find a career in writing, one of the worst things to hear is someone say “Isn’t writing just a hobby?” No, it is not. This discouragement is another reason why writers fear writing. The idea of people down playing something we love so much, well it is devastating.
I am not ashamed to say that I am scared of writing. It just means I have a passion for it. To all my fellow writers who share this same fear, remember you are not alone. We will someday blow the world away with the work we create. Don’t let anyone put you down for not sharing what you love. One day, your work will be out there, and that is when you can show them all the hard work you have done.
