One of my co-workers has recently announced to us that she is pregnant. After we all exclaimed our congratulations and excitement, she went on to assure us that she wouldn’t be out for too long and would try to be as available as possible via phone or e-mail. It almost felt as though she was apologizing for the inconvenience of being pregnant, and it was simply something that she had to fit into her schedule.
It used to be that women were expected to marry and be a stay-at-home wife and mother, taking care of the home and the children. I sometimes wonder if women are trying so hard to prove the “Jane Austen idea” wrong--that the only thing women can do to be successful is to get married. So, women became working women, choosing careers over husbands and children. Still, there were those women who wanted to be the stay-at-home wife and mother. Today, there are fewer stay-at-home wives and mothers, either due to personal choice or out of necessity financially. There are still a lot of women out there who wonder… can you really have it all?
As a woman, as a wife, as a woman who hopes to be a mother someday, I often wonder about this. I am a college graduate and have aspirations of becoming a published author. But I sometimes feel torn between my dreams to do something big in my career and being at home with my kids. Is it possible to have it all and be a sane person? I currently work full-time and on a Friday night find myself completely exhausted from trying to keep up with it all—and like I said, I don’t have kids yet.
When I think of my co-worker, so concerned with getting right back to work after the birth of her child, I realize how many women are trying so hard to “have it all.” Keeping up with a career, husband, family, and a house is exhausting… but incredibly fulfilling. It’s hard to have it all and keep it all together without going nuts. Is it possible? Honestly, I think if you want to have it all, you’re going to have to prioritize and plan. Having a husband who fully supports you in your career choices and who helps you with the house and the kids makes a huge difference. Having friends to talk to and spend time with is also really important. You can’t always be working at home or in your career. You need time to unwind and recharge. Being able to talk to your mom, or a mother-like figure, is also important. They understand what you’re going through—after all, they raised you. Most women probably feel as though they have to be Wonder Woman and do it all on their own. But it’s just not possible-- you’ll end up burned out and miserable.
I think we also need to reconsider what it means to have it all. Yes, having a husband is wonderful. Having kids is wonderful. Having a career is wonderful. Having it all at the same time is wonderful. But what if you decide to get just get married and stay at home? What if staying at home with your kids is your career of choice? (Because it IS a full time job). Or what if you want to focus on your career and not have children? Maybe you desire to remain single. Any of these choices can lead to a successful and fulfilling life. Having it all shouldn’t mean that you have to have a career and a family. Having it all should mean that you are doing what God has planned for you to do.
