There are some people who are lucky and their parents are still together or married. Then there are some people like me whose parents are divorced. My parents divorced when I was nine years old. I guess it was a good thing they divorced. They fought all the time and there was not a day when I saw them truly happy.
My dad won full custody of my brother and I and we moved to Missouri. It was a scary thing, I did not know anybody and I was not close to my mom. It was a hard and very confusing time. No young girl wants to be separated from her mother. My mom and I never had the best relationship. We fought all the time and I honestly was just hurting so bad and really did not understand any of what was going on.
The biggest lie parents tell their children is, "You will never be caught in the middle of it. This is between the grown ups". The amount of times I was told that as a child was too much. You will always be caught in the middle. I started to have trust issues. I did not trust anybody but myself. I couldn't trust people not to hurt me. I was so tired of being hurt and being caught in the middle of an argument or fight that was not my fault and sometimes I thought it was my fault.
I am very guarded with my heart and I don't give it lightly and if I do give it out, it means I trust the person so much to give them my heart. It is so hard to let people in and letting people see the real and raw me. Divorce does something to a child that scares them and makes them love and look at life at a different perspective than others. A child when their parents divorced just look for stability. For the most part I got that, but when it came to being emotionally stable, that was where it was hard. I felt I always had to choose between loving my mom or loving my dad and not just loving them both equally. It was hard and growing up with that mentality was hard too. I always looked at my friends and how I envied them. I envied that their parents were together, I envied the love I saw between their parents.
I would never want to put my future children through what I went through and I hope when the time does come to when I do get married, I will never get in a divorce. Children need stability from both parents and when that does not happen, the children suffer. I have been there and it sucks. I would never wish divorce on anyone, especially those who have children. People can give you sympathy and try to say they know what you arr going through, but you truly don't understand how it is, unless you have gone through it.
