Sometimes I wish I was adopted.

I know that is probably selfish of me to say, but honestly.. I really wish I was adopted. It isn’t that I hate my family, it’s just I hate the way that they treat me. I hate that I’m treated like the dirt that they walk.

I hate being the middle child. Being the middle child is terrible. I am the only one that actually has to work for everything that I have.

Even if one of my siblings have it, I still have to work for it. I was treated different all of my life while being a child, and being an adult has been no different. I still am treated like a child. Different than the rest of my siblings. I guess you can call it favoritism.

I remember being a little girl and always thought what it would be like to be adopted. To have a forever family that never singled you out, that made plans as a family, that always thought about your feelings, that never just put you last...

Every time something bad happened to me, I begged to have been adopted and just somewhere else where I can be happy and away from everyone and everything.

I remember always being emotionally abused and bullied and when I went to my mom about it, it was always, “it’s tough love, get over it.” I was the black sheep as some would say. I was definitely the oddball. No one in my family has ever done anything just to make me happy, literally.

I’ve never had a great day with just my family & I with no arguments, no drama, no being rude and disrespectful, none of that. I mean, we’ve never even taken a “family vacation”, does that tell you what kind of family I’ve had?

My little sister is so young and innocent, but I mean, she still gets EVERYTHING that she wants plus more since she’s my mom’s favorite. My second oldest sister, she’s my mom’s favorite.

Heaven forbids something happens to her, my mom would be so confused. Now the oldest… I have no clue why, but that’s my grandmother’s favorite. Really my sperm donor’s side of the family’s favorite. Hahahaha.

My whole life is a joke. I’m so over everything.

I guess because I have different beliefs, a different lifestyle, or who knows. Maybe because I simply just refuse to be like any of them. I don’t want to have just one child, I don’t want to be an alcoholic for a living, I don’t want to run the streets and be a ratchet hood-rat. I want to be different. I choose to be different. I choose to be me.

My younger sister would probably be the only one that I’d ever let back in my life. Literally. Just for the simple fact that none of this is her fault. But I just need a break from everyone right now. I just want to be alone with my husband and daughter.

They love telling me that my feelings are just me overreacting or that I’m crazy and need to seek some type of help. I disagree with them because feelings are feelings and everyone has them.

I am sensitive, I am wishful, I am hopeless, I am kind. But they disagree, of course. My feelings will always matter to me, no matter who or what happens. If no one can respect them or me, then so be it.

I'd probably say that my childhood is what has caused me to be so depressed and have so much anxiety every time something goes wrong and wanting my own family just so I can give my children a life that I was never given.

So if you’re reading this and you think/know that you have the same family, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. I promise. Just be you. Be different. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t even associate with anyone toxic anymore. Make a change. Be the change. Live your life to the fullest.