Recently, a friend of mine ended a very on-and-off again four-year relationship. After countless occasions of holding my heartbroken friend and trying to help her find light in such grief, I began to understand why she always seemed to fall right into guys and relationships that were toxic. It was because she had literally spent all of her adult life attached to another person. Whether it be the same person or different people over the years, she made a lot of her choices in fear of being alone. The apprehension she felt of being without a relationship is what pushed her towards all of the wrong people who would, eventually, let her down.

I began to stress to my friend how absolutely essential it is to be single for a while - and

the reason I’ve come to feel so strongly about someone I love taking time to be alone in order to heal is because of personal experience. I, myself, have seen first-hand what it is to benefit and evolve from being absolutely and completely alone. I realized that you have to be isolated from romance to know that being single can be just as wonderful and beautiful as a relationship can be. When you take time to be alone, you learn so much about yourself that you couldn’t understand while carrying the weight of a harmful relationship.

When you’re single, you find that there’s more time for building strong friendships, for discovering passions, and for being independent. You discover what it is to appreciate you; not what another person makes you feel or be. Most importantly, you come to find that being single is actually a blessing, and because of that blessing - there won’t be an urgency within to jump into something with the wrong person; and you’ll know not to risk your heart for just anyone. My point is, after you’ve fallen in love with yourself first, and long beaten the pain that the past has dealt you, you’ll find a person that will bring your single journey to an end, making all that time alone and self-discovery worth it.

If I know anything at all so far in my life, it’s that the time you spend on your own is the most vital time of your life. It has defined the person that I am and has brought me the confidence and strength that I can only hope my friends and anyone else are able to find.

Relationships have a way of taking the person we once were, and transforming us into who we are. However, the most important growth is done solo. You have to love yourself before you’re capable of loving anyone at all.