Since returning from my first year of college, I have been asked several times whether I had found someone yet. Someone even jokingly asked if I was engaged yet. Now, I don't mind being asked these questions. I know it comes from people who care for me and really do want the best for me, but it has been a reminder of how utterly single I am.
In high school, I was bummed that I was single, but I always thought that would change in college. I am actually quite glad that I did not date in high school. Looking back, I was naive and annoying. A relationship at that point would not have been good for me or the other person. Nevertheless, there was a feeling of loneliness and inadequacy. But for the most part, I learned to trust God and wait.
That waiting got harder in college. Now I can say without a doubt that I am ready to date. I want to be able to share my life with someone, but God has not allowed that yet. And I am not the only one in this. I have had several conversations with girls my age about our frustration with dating and the cultural norms surrounding it, but that is a topic for another time. I had the opportunity to discuss this frustration with some other college girls, most of them a couple years ahead of me and I got some of the best advice concerning being single from one of the girls there.
Usually, my friends, who are dating, try to reassure me that someone will come or they just tell me that I should be thankful that I am single because I will miss it once I am in a relationship. But even with that encouragement, I often think to myself that as kind and loving their words may be, there is no guarantee that there is someone for me. I am lonely, I feel inadequate, and I constantly doubt myself. I question whether I am good enough because as time goes on, I am one of the only people who has not been in a relationship before.
While I still have these feeling sometimes, that night that I discussed frustrations with dating, one of the girls told me something that changed my outlook. She told me that it does hurt to be single for a long time. No one should deny that. It is not easy, but we should not wallow in that. So sit and listen to a sad song and feel bad for yourself, but do not stay there. Pick yourself up, realize your worth, and go on with your day. Let yourself hurt for a time, but refuse to let it define you.
That mindset has changed a lot with how I approach singleness. Whenever I feel lonely or inadequate, I let myself listen to a sad song or wallow for 5-10 minutes, but then that time is over and I move on. Yes, it hurts, and yes, my self-esteem wanes sometimes, but that I not where I should stay. Someday I may find someone or I may not, but whatever situation, God will get me through it.
