I grew up thinking that all it took in order to be happy was to be in a relationship. I thought that if I could just find a nice boy who liked me back, all of my problems would go away and I would be happy. I mean, isn’t that what happens in TV shows and in the magazines and books? At the end of every romantic comedy or sappy Nicholas Sparks book, the two fell in love and lived happily ever after. Or did they? And was happiness and being in love with each other what really solved all their problems? Doubtful. The idea that being in a relationship equals happiness is so wrong and far from the truth.
Though I’m still young, naïve and have a lot of learning and experiencing to do, I have been taught the most valuable lesson of being a girl in the 21st century: Being single is not a bad thing, it’s actually a good thing.
When you’re constantly spending time in solitude, you learn new things about yourself. Of course, being with others can teach you that too; but when you truly get comfortable with being alone, it’s the real deal. You realize just how much you actually hate that café downtown that your friends love, or how much you love those corny romantic movies that you could never see in theatre because your ex didn’t like them.
I’ll admit that I’ve never actually been in a relationship with someone. Before my revelation, I thought something was terribly wrong with me, that I was not worthy of a boyfriend or of a boy actually liking me for more than my body. Now that I’m almost 20 and I’m climbing the ropes to growing up, I realize none of that was true. Sure, I may not have had the best luck with guys and I did remain single throughout high school, but my friends did not. And I got to watch their relationships begin and end time after time after time. Being on the outside is a really different experience for yourself than being in the relationship. I had a friend whose boyfriend would not allow her to do certain things, or wear certain clothes. I repeatedly had to listen to her say “Oh, I can’t go, [my boyfriend] won’t let me” or “This would look so good on me, but I know [my boyfriend] wouldn’t like it if I wore it out.” At first, these comments just went in one ear and out the other. I totally understand respecting your partners wishes, but telling someone they weren’t allowed to attend a social event because there would be other boys there? That’s a bit dramatic, and something no one needs to put up with.
There were so many times that even I would miss out on having a good time and being myself because I was worried what my date or other males around me would think of me. I wouldn’t sing at the top of my lungs when my favorite song came on, I wouldn’t laugh at the childish jokes in movies; I wanted to act as normal as I possibly could to be liked. But why? I wasn’t happy sitting quiet in the car. I wasn’t happy holding back my laugh in the movie theatre. I wasn’t happy because I hadn’t yet figured out what being happy on my own meant.
I don’t need a man to be happy. I don’t need a man to feel whole or validated. Once I decided this, I truly felt happier. I started doing things for myself and actually enjoying who I was. I said yes more, and left my comfort zone to find a better version of myself. If I was wrapped up in a boy (or boys) all those years, I wouldn’t be who I am or as happy as I am.
