As someone who has been on the quieter side my whole life, I’ve heard a lot of different things said about people who are reserved. Some of them are true, others not so much. Every shy person is different too—some are introverted and others are extroverted, some are more confident than others and some are still hoping to get there. What a lot of people do seem to have wrong, whether or not it is conscious, is that those who are quiet are antisocial and are generally ambivalent towards others. If there is anything that is the furthest from the truth about shy people, it is exactly that.
From the perspective of an outsider it is easy to think that someone who isn’t as talkative as others isn’t enjoying themselves. “They aren’t contributing to the conversation, so they must be miserable.” “They must not like talking to other people.” But while you’re thinking all of that, he or she is thinking something entirely different. “What can I say to this person without sounding like an idiot?” “What if I say the wrong thing?” Most of the time my concern is how I should be talking to someone, not if I should even be doing so in the first place.
Quiet people don’t necessarily always want to be quiet; it’s just their temperament. I like talking to other people and forming friendships. But for me personally, I prefer to get to engage in conversations that allow me to really get to know someone, as opposed to small talk that sometimes feels forced or ingenuine. I’m not antisocial; it’s just harder for me to reach out to people and make plans. I love spending time with my friends, whether it be going to see a movie or watching a game. But I’m also the kind of person who cherishes the time I have with myself, which as a college student is often limited.
Everyone socializes differently. Some are more reserved, while others could talk about anything at any point. Neither personality is superior to the other; it’s just a matter of who you are as a person. Sometimes people who are shy don’t necessarily want to be quiet. Sometimes people who are outgoing don’t always want to be the ones talking. Different people have different strengths. Extroverts may like to be vocal and share more, while introverts prefer to listen, which is just as admirable of a quality.
Being quiet does not mean the same thing as being silent. Your temperament is not who you are, it’s just a part of your personality. Often times people who are reserved aren’t as reserved as you think once they really get to know someone and form a close relationship with them. But no matter how shy and distant a person seems, just remember they are just as open to the idea of getting to know you as someone who is perhaps more communicative and approachable. We just have a different way of showing it.
