One thing people always say about me is that I'm nice. I mean OK, cool, that's a decent complement but it actually puts a lot of pressure on me. Because now that people THINK I'm nice, I have this anxious need to be nice all the time. Yes, I probably am overthinking this, but I can't be the only one. I can't be the only one exhausted with thoughts about how to be nice and think nice and act nice so that others will say that I am nice and thus give me my "nice person" label.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy thinking about others and making people smile and all that. However, I do wonder what it would like to embody my inner Madonna and brazenly utter, "I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, OK."
I wonder how it feels to pick the flavor ice cream that you want at the store and not what your family wants. I wonder what it's like to stop worrying about how other people feel, just for a few seconds, and only worry about your emotions and how you feel and make people think about how you feel. I wonder what it's like to ask someone else to compromise for you, to have him make the effort. I wonder what it's like to have that person walking along a narrow sidewalk in front of you step out of your way, instead of the other way around.
People are always so quick to tear others down others for being selfish and, yes, being selfish all the time is not great. However, I think maybe being a little selfish sometimes can be empowering. You just have to find the right balance of selfish and selfless. But how to do that is a whole other conversation.
