I grew up being very independent. I took care of myself, got things done, and went on with my life. I didn’t care if I had friends or was alone; I could adapt to any situation.

All of this was very useful, but when I met my significant other, that independence starting going down the drain. He didn’t take my independence from me. I gave it to him.

I had finally found someone that I could be my true self with, and I found myself relying on him more and more the longer we were together. And while my independence was one of the things that attracted him when we first met, I slowly started giving that up.

I found myself constantly needing him with me to fully enjoy experiences. I wouldn’t go out or meet new people, not because he didn’t tell me that I couldn’t, but because I would rather stay in and talk to him on the phone. I constantly felt that a large part of me was missing when he was not physically there with me.

And it took me about a year to really realize how much of my self, my independence, I had given him unknowingly. He would joke around saying, “Oh you’re so dependent now! I remember when you were Miss independent, where did she go?” He never meant any harm by them, and I always took it as the joke he meant, but those words really got me thinking.

I found myself bored when he wasn’t around or when he was busy and couldn’t talk. I felt that I didn’t know myself or what I enjoyed anymore besides talking to him. I started wondering how much I really knew about myself at this point.

So I slowly began doing my own thing. I started getting more involved, making more friends and hanging out with those friends when I wasn’t busy. I starting putting myself out there and found myself in the process.

But it wasn’t until I realized that I didn’t need this person that I found my independence again. I thought that I couldn’t live or breathe without him, and sometimes I still feel that way. He is the most important person in my life and I love him more than anything, but I have to remember that he is a human, just as I am.

He is independent. He does his own thing, has his own friends, continues living his own life, regardless of whether or not I am present. He doesn’t need me.

Therefore, why do I need someone who doesn’t need me in return? I am very important in his life, just as he is in mine, but he doesn’t necessarily need me to continue existing. He doesn’t need me to breathe, or to think, or to live, just as I do not need him for those things as well.

And it was that moment that I decided I would find my independent self again. I have always been taught to dependent on myself because at the end of the day, I am always there.

He’s not always going to be there in the middle of the night when I’m hurting and upset. He’s not always going to be there after I’ve had a very bad day. He wont always be there, and that’s okay.

But guess who will be? Me. And God.

Therefore, I have to be dependent on myself because at the end of the day, I’m the one in this situation going through it and I know that I can always count on myself.

However, I’m not just learning how to be independent again. I’m learning a new type of independence: relational-independence. I’m learning how to pick and choose which battles are best to handle alone, and which ones I will need some help with.

This is all a process. I know that I can’t do this alone, and I’m so thankful to have someone who fully supports me, but I also know that I need to be able to support myself. So I’m learning new things everyday.

I have learned that it’s okay to miss him and to wish he was there with me to experience things,but I shouldn’t let that stop me from going out and having a good time.

I have learned that there are some things that I need to keep to myself and deal with alone, but there are also a lot of things that I can rely on him to help me through.

But most importantly, I have learned that I don’t need him just as he doesn’t need me. We want and choose each other. At the end of the day, I am a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself, just as he is a strong, independent man who can take care of himself. And together we find a balance between our independence and dependence on one another.