Being a freshman in college has proven to be more mentally exhausting than I originally anticipated. Sure, it's the amount of homework, the juggling between a social life and sports while still trying to find time to eat and sleep. But it's also the constant reminder that you're in a state of post-child and pre-adult.
Only a year ago I was sitting in a classroom where I had to raise my hand to use the restroom and all of the sudden I'm expected to be an adult and have my future planned out. Every decision I make from here on out is going to shape the way my life turns out. And that has to be one of the most terrifying things to think about because I don't know what I want to choose.
The word "career" is scary enough, carrying a connotation that just screams "permanent". And here I am, nineteen-years-old wondering what the hell the one thing is that I want to do for the rest of my life. I have been so stuck lately searching for that answer. There isn't anything I love more than anything else to want to do it forever. It's not being a cop, or being a therapist, or a cashier, or a firefighter. There isn't anything. And finding it will take so much time, and by that point, it might be too late. Won't it? There are too many directions to go and it's overwhelming.
So what do I do?
I could sit here and do what everyone else thinks I should do and major in that one thing that's going to get me the most money, the most success, and the nicest home knowing that I'm going to be unhappy. Or, I could keep searching for what makes me want to work harder, be better, and enjoy life just a little more than I did the day before. If that takes me until I'm 85 and in a wheelchair, then so be it. But I'm done with being scared of making decisions that could lead me down a path that isn't fit for me. All I'd have to do if that happens is turn around and go another way until I get to where I'm looking to go.
College is scary. Being an adult is scary. Life is scary. But you know what else is scary? Taking the easy way out because everyone told you to and regretting not doing what you wanted to do no matter what it took.
Everything will turn out the way you wanted it to in the most unexpected way. Just keep looking for what makes you happy, and don't settle for anything less.
