My first taste of toxicity in something that is viewed as something beautiful was at an age so tender and pure that I had no idea that it could be so deadly.

I was 16 years old at the time and this person was somebody that I thought was my first love, somebody who I shared my most intimate moments with, somebody who took my innocence away in one swift motion. I was so astonished by his very existence that he would do things that would hurt me and I would just let him. I was so scared of losing him in the little time that we were together that I lost myself forgetting that I mattered as well.

The abuse started off so innocently just slightly bruising my mind, destroying my thought process and tainting my ability to love again, and then it grew more violent, breaking my brain into pieces trying to figure out why I am still staying and why I am still so deeply infatuated by the love that you have given me.

I thought I needed you constantly, constantly forgetting, that I needed me too. I hurt myself to please you, only to find out so many months after it ended that you hurt me to please yourself also. And that wasn't the end. The end, was not the end but it was the very beginning of everything i was once so confident about, everything i loved about myself, i grew to be scared of. All my nightmares were coming true. and that was my biggest fear of all. That when you left, you took all of me with you.