In our fantasy relationship, you know, the one we have in our heads, the person we’re with is hot (whatever that is to us) and a laundry list of things that we find attractive in another person. But let’s talk about looks. Some people tell you they aren’t important and some would argue that that’s not true. Here’s what I've discovered:
Looks are important, but not in the way you’re thinking of.
When people think of a "looks," they think of physical appearance. And it is so easily altered with make-up, clothes, a new haircut, getting into shape, and even extremes, such as plastic surgery. Now-a-days, it’s not that hard to look your best. It’s just that sometimes we get caught up in trying to look like what our society has deemed the best. You don’t need to suction cup your lips so they look like Kylie Jenner’s lips to have nice lips. And you don’t need to be a size 2 or a have six pack to have a nice body. I’d like to think that we’re all starting to get that as a society. I once heard an interesting concept; it’s not your looks that attract people to you, it’s your look.
What this means is that there are things about each of us that create an energy around us that do one of two things: It makes people look twice when we walk into a room or makes people look back down at their phones. Your look isn't just the looks you were born with, it's the qualities that you emanate when you walk into a room. People think physical appearance is what gets people to notice you, but looks and personality influence each other more than you may have realized. You don’t have to be a supermodel to turn heads. Have you ever noticed that people who are confident and charismatic aren't always the most physically attractive people, yet others are still attracted to them? Your look encompasses more than just your physical appearance, and in fact, it's not even the most important facet of your look. Your energy (think good or bad "vibes"), your smile, your attitude, your demeanor, your posture are far more important. But the most important qualities that make up your look and make you attractive are your ability to be confident and authentic.
Why are the last two the most important? Because people love confident and authentic people. They are the epitome of attractiveness and influence the other facets of your look. Have you thought about what your look is? How do you embody confidence and authenticity in ways other people don't? No-one is confident and authentic in the same way, nor would we all want to be. Start thinking less about your physical appearance and start thinking more about your look. Being just physically “hot” isn’t going to be enough to keep people attracted if your personality is dull, one dimensional, hidden by insecurity or by being inauthentic. And being "hot" isn't what society has deemed attractive at the moment. It changes far too much to be worth contorting yourself into a pretzel to fit into the trending beauty ideal. Societal beauty ideals come and go, but confidence and authenticity never go out of style. And neither will your look.
