My mom always told me that I would be lucky if I had a handful of good friends by the time I graduated college. When I was younger, I thought that was ridiculous. I mean, come on -- I wanted everyone to like me and everyone to be my friend. But as I got older I realized what she really meant. It’s not about how many friends you have; it's about what kind of friends you have. What does being a true friend mean to you? To me, being a friend means…
Always being there when it counts.
It’s normal to drift from friends when you go to college. Everyone is living their own lives and busy doing their own things; not everyone has time to talk to their best friends for hours every night between classes, working, homework, and activities. What’s important is that you are there for the deep stuff. When a friend really just needs to talk, they know they can call you. Or when you come home for Christmas break, you go right back to the same normal routine of spending 50% of your week with them.
Building each other up.
Have you ever heard that saying, “You are your own worst enemy"? Well, it’s totally true. You are always going to criticize yourself for silly things that other people would never notice. That’s where your good friends come in. They are there to tell you how you don’t look fat in that dress (but that the blue one makes your butt look better), that it’s okay to eat that extra slice of pizza or that you deserve so much more than what that stupid boy gives you. Be your own cheerleader, but let your friends make up the rest of your whole squad!
Growing together.
Your friends will come and go, but the good ones will stick through the rough years. And by the rough years, I mean the colorful headbands, the peace sign profile pictures, the dark eyeliner around your entire eye and the neon socks that never matched. When we were in elementary school, a friend and I wore the high pony tails and fought over Polly Pockets. And now, almost ten years later (yes, I know that’s crazy), we’re both in college while working and being big girls. And no, we no longer fight about Polly Pockets; instead we fight about who’s paying for dinner or whose TV show is better. But my point is that a good friend helps you grow into the person you want to be and still loves you just as much as she did when you were in those awkward teenage years; whereas the not so good friends will want you to be less like yourself and more like the “cool kids” they want to be. Just keep in mind that if you guys made it through childhood together, you can make it through anything.
Supporting each other, even when you don’t agree.
Especially when you don’t agree. Remember that you helped your friend grow into the person she wanted to be, so now let her make her own choices -- and always support her. I think we tend to get defensive or protective of our friends because we don’t want anything or anyone to hurt them. So when we see a friend make a decision that we wouldn’t necessarily make ourselves, we want to voice our opinions and change their minds. But it’s important to remember that it isn’t your choice to make. Besides, chances are that if you don’t agree with her, the rest of her friends don’t agree with her either. So instead of being another friend that she doesn’t want to turn to, be the only friend that she feels like she can count on not to judge her. If she asks your opinion, share it. But ultimately the choice is hers, so respect that and just support her.
I know these seem like simple things, but sometimes we lose our way and forget what it means to be a good friend that someone else can count on. And that’s okay. We’re only human. But when you’ve done wrong, admit it and say that you're sorry, and then move on. Friends make mistakes and drift apart, but the good ones always come back. Remember that.
