I volunteered to be a catechist for my local church recently, and I have been doing it for about a month now. For those of you who do not know what a catechist is, it's basically a religion teacher. Our job is to teach the basic principles of Christianity to the young members of the church-- specifically Catholicism in this case.

In all honesty, I haven't really been consistent in practicing Catholicism since I made my confirmation, and that was back in the eighth grade. Confirmation is the final step in the process of becoming an active Christian and a full member of the church, but as a thirteen year old girl who was only getting older, I couldn't help but prioritize other matters. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

Throughout the years I've battled with a lot of things concerning my faith. I spoke with many people, went to various churches,--not all of them Catholic-- in hopes of discovering what it is that I truly believe in. I grew up never questioning anything, but at a certain point in my life, questioning was all I could do. I couldn't help it when I disagreed with certain things pertaining to religion, and I am not okay with identifying as something I am not completely sure about. Have you ever known someone who knows themselves? Someone who is so sure of themselves, and what they know and believe in, whole-heartedly? If so, you'll know it's plain to see. That wasn't me. So I knew something wasn't right, but I wasn't in a rush to figure it out. I figured when the time was right, I'd know, and truth be told, I still don't think I'm fully sure. However, what I do know is that I'm a lot closer to figuring it out now than I was even a year ago, and that's okay with me.

My only real concern was/ is my relationship with God. That, for me, goes beyond any religion I could ever identify with. I never felt right calling myself a Catholic or a Christian, or anything else. I only knew that it felt amazing to pray; that even when I spoke silently, I was heard, and I will never deny there is someone looking out for me, because that is a feeling I could never mistake for something else. This past month as a catechist has been amazing, and what started as volunteer work for my resume, turned into something greater.

In teaching the kids, I am revisiting everything I used to learn and know. I teach the fifth grade, and classes are only once a week, so it's not too overwhelming on me or them. We meet every Wednesday and read scriptures, learn more about our faith, color, talk, pray, etc. Sometimes I'll have them do projects, individually and in groups, to make things more fun for class. In teaching them, I learn more myself, and when they call me "Miss. Hilario" and ask questions I can provide answers to, the feeling is indescribable. It makes me regret wanting to teach high school kids instead of elementary, because these kids just make teaching feel so rewarding. The fact we meet to discuss and enhance our faith only makes it greater, because the energy shared in that classroom is nothing short of love and respect.

As their catechist, it is also my duty to set a good example, and that means going to church consistently. After a while, you have to give yourself a reality check and realize that it is not a matter of time that is the issue, but rather a matter of effort. We make time for the things we want to do, so to NOT do something says more than you think. Besides, how can I encourage my kids to attend mass without attending mass myself?! There are no hypocrites here, sir... and if becoming a catechist is what it takes for me to get my butt back in that pew after years of inconsistency, then so be it.

I don't just consider myself their catechist, but also a friend. Sometimes they'll raise their hands and ask questions that even surprise me, and rarely anything surprises me anymore. I feel like an older sister when I share any advice or elaborate on something they might not know how to speak about with anyone else. It's a proud feeling, but can also be alarming, because I wonder if anyone in their lives takes them serious sometimes. It's so easy to brush off what a ten-year old has to say, but in taking the time to listen, you'll see they can be so much more-- that they ARE so much more.

I'm so glad I made the choice to try this out, and I'm even more glad it's turned out so well. I cannot wait to see the spiritual growth that lies ahead, whatever it may bring.