The phrase itself almost seems belittling, and that is not what I am trying to do here, belittle anyone; in fact, that is exactly the opposite of what it means to be the bigger person. Of course, in no way is this basic idiom the definition of maturity; knowing when to stop arguing or bite your tongue, it is a lesson that my parents preach and have been teaching my siblings and I for as long as I can remember, and a challenge that we all face every day.

In all social settings and human interactions we face people of all kinds, backgrounds, upbringings and orientations. It is a way of life to accept that we are all different, and I believe that is a wonderful strength of our species, versus it being mistaken as a weakness. Humans are curious, we ask questions and sometimes we don't like the answers to the basic truths that we seek. Learning to accept what we cannot change, and to leave alone things (and people) which we have no control over can save us a lot of trouble, but a lot of times we don't, or we want to change others to be how we think is right, and that is wrong. You can't infringe on others' free will, or human rights, but there will be people who try to take advantage of others in any way possible. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, but taking advantage of people is a conscious action that we should avoid at all costs because this means we are manipulating someone for our personal gain, which is wrong.

It starts when we are young with how we are raised or how we learn it as we grow. I can remember for so long throughout school and even still in college my parents always told me if someone was mean that it was okay and to NOT be mean back. If someone confronts you in an aggressive way, try and leave that situation, but always stand up for yourself and what you believe. It is debatable most of the time what the “right" and “wrong" things to do are, but if you are faced with a choice and you have to choose whether to walk away or if what you are doing/going to do or say is causing more bad than good, sometimes it is better to walk away. It doesn't mean you have to like it, and it doesn't mean you won't still want to say or do the mean thing, but maturity is knowing that in the end the right thing to do is to be the bigger person and walk away. You are the bigger person when you stop engaging and can choose/are able to control how you respond.

Being the bigger person isn't saying “I'm going to be the bigger person and stop talking to you." If your intention is to make the other person feel lesser of a person than you, you are doing it wrong. Taking advantage of positions of power or any kind of institution that gave those positions is also an example of times when you should try to be the bigger person, because your actions reflect on those institutions. Getting revenge or constantly rooting against someone and holding grudges to the point that your decision making is affected by the past actions of another person is something that the “bigger person" wouldn't typically stand for. Be kind. Be smart. Of course, there is much more than this and we are all different, so you do you!