Rutgers is huge, LITERALLY.
Before my first year of college, I had so many dreams and aspirations for the next four years of my life. One of those aspirations was to break out of my shell and not be so shy. I’ve always wanted to become more outgoing like my other friends and not be afraid to voice my opinions. I thought Rutgers would be a fresh start where I could finally try and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. Oh, and I tried my best to do so. I chose to dorm on campus and hoped that dorming would be the best way to make friends fast. I was so happy my first couple of weeks at Rutgers.
I spent time with some new friends and we were becoming close fast. Unfortunately, I had to deal with some personal family issues and it consumed my entire life. As a result, I stopped hanging out with the new friends I made and I stopped going out. I was back to the girl I was all my life, the girl I was hoping to change.
Fall semester was rough. I found myself slipping into depression several times and getting hit with a number of sudden surprises that life had to offer. I slipped back to my old self and I felt insecure; so insecure that I was embarrassed to even go outside. I would spend time by myself and go places by myself.
By the time spring semester came around, a lot of students already formed their friend groups and I was too afraid to try and socialize. I did everything by myself. I realized I was just a tiny, unnoticeable being just going to this massive school.
However, spending time by myself taught me a lot of important lessons. I started focusing on myself and my academic career. I made sure I had time for self-care and carefully looked over my mental health and wellbeing. I spent everyday studying instead of procrastinating.
My grades started to improve and I started to like this new side to myself. I started concentrating on family and keeping them happy. I focused on the woman I was becoming. Spring semester for me turned out to be a time of self-reflection and trying to figure out my true identity and serve my real purpose in life. Though I may not have made a lot of friends at college, I know that I found peace and I found myself and that was really important to me.
Do I still want to change my shy personality? Of course! But I am taking my time and realizing that I can’t rush to change certain things. Thank you, Rutgers, for showing me that even though I may be little and insignificant at this huge school, I am still important to those I call family and most importantly, I am still valued. Rutgers is surely a new chapter in my life, but I know that I can’t make time move faster.
I may have big dreams and aspirations, but hey, everything will happen in its time.
