When did being realistic become synonymous with being pessimistic? I’ve recently noticed a disturbing trend where one justifies their gloomy opinion on something or other as being “realistic.” When did reality become so awful?
Now, before I proceed with this discussion, I feel it is only fair to confess an important bias of mine that may distort my opinion on this matter. I, am an idealist (pause for gasps). I apologize for using such an offensive word so flippantly. The “i-word” has an uncanny ability to evoke powerful reactions out of those who hear it -- but if you can tolerate its casual use for the next few hundred words, you may think differently about its meaning…
Being an idealist is difficult. There is no doubt about that. Sure, we are genuinely excited every morning when we manage to wake up for yet another day and we are never dehydrated as our glass of water is always half full. But beyond that, this perspective can be isolating. Generally speaking, we are the lepers of the philosophical community, exiled from civilization for fear we may infect the masses with our optimism and lofty imaginations. But, if you ask me, idealism is one disease that is worth spreading.
So, what does being an idealist have to do with reality? Most people would say nothing at all. Even our good friends Merriam and Webster define an “idealist” as someone who “places ideals before practical considerations.” In most contexts, idealism is the antithesis of reality. However, as an idealist I firmly believe this does not have to be the case. Reality is nothing but the collective consequence of our individual choices.
Don’t stop reading quite yet. This is not going to be one of those articles where I proceed to ramble on about the quantum mechanics I don’t know about and how if you think really hard about a parking spot on a busy city street one will appear before you. No. None of that. I’m simply talking about choices. Our perspective influences our thoughts. Our thoughts influence our choices. Our choices create our reality. It is as simple as that. So in many ways, without calling upon any kinds of spooky forces to prove my point, reality is what you make it. Now, if you’ll indulge me even further, I will demonstrate this point with a brief and heartwarming anecdote…
About a year ago, I was hired to teach a course on mindfulness at a local inner city school. The administration was bringing in this experimental mindfulness-based education program with hopes of improving overall behavior and morale. Prior to my hiring, this group of fifth graders I was about to teach had already driven their art and Spanish teachers from the building. They had no choice but to turn to a young, wide-eyed idealist like myself to help turn things around.
As the idealist I am, naturally I assumed I was going to be Edward James Olmos from "Stand and Deliver" with a better haircut and contact lenses. I had my innovative lesson plan at the ready. I had my Robin-Williams-from-"Dead-Poet-Society"-like enthusiasm locked and loaded. I even brushed up on some pop culture so I could nonchalantly relate the material to relevant celebrities. What could go wrong?
Well, within five minutes of my first class, I watched the entire plot of "Lord of the Flies" unfold before me. Fights broke out. The noise level could be heard miles down the road. There may have even been a fire started at some point. I tried all the tools my co-teachers taught me. I tried to talk over them. I tried waiting them out. I tried the clapping thing where they are supposed to stop what they are doing and match the beat. Nothing worked.
Finally, out of pure pity, the class acknowledged my efforts and quieted down enough to inform me that this sort of behavior was their norm and it was nothing personal. I asked them why this was the case. They told me it had always been this way. I asked them if they would like to change this norm. They told me they would like to but it just wasn’t realistic.
After some careful deliberation, I decided to throw out my lesson plans for a while. My goal was now to change their classroom dynamic and what was considered “realistic” for them. For my next class, I stealthily approached each student and asked what would happen if they made the personal choice to sit quietly in their seat. The general consensus would be that it wouldn’t matter because others would not to do same. I told them I didn’t care about that. I just needed them to make that choice. Every student agreed to try it.
Within moments of my signal to begin the experiment, every student was quietly sitting in their seats, looking around at one another wearing astonished expressions on their faces. They couldn’t believe it. Order had fallen upon the room for the first time in their young lives. Edward James Olmos would have been so proud.
How does this story reflect my point about Idealism and reality? It shows that the only reality you can control is your own. However, if we all make the choice to take responsibility for our own realities, our collective reality changes as well. Therefore, reality doesn’t have to be so bleak. Reality doesn’t have to align with a pessimistic interpretation of the world. If we choose to strive for an ideal and make the appropriate choices, what is idealistic may very well become realistic. I firmly believe this to be true- but maybe I’m just being idealistic…
