Today’s society seems to have a fascination with buzzwords. And by buzzwords, I mean words that get thrown around a lot, have meaning behind them, but aren’t very well thought out. Words like “functional training,” “synergy,” and “gluten free” are among these. And for the past several months, I’ve noticed another word becoming one of these linguistic curiosities. I see it on posters, on YouTube channels, and on the T-shirts of buff guys in the gym.

“Alpha Male”

Presumably (since Alpha is the first letter in the Greek alphabet), the phrase means that the male in question is the most dominant i.e. the best. Indeed, zoological studies often refer to the dominant male in a group of animals as the Alpha male. For example, prides of lions have an Alpha male that other males and females submit to. Male Gorillas beat their chest to show dominance and strength. Wolfs will bark and howl to claim territory. These males are usually very large, very powerful, and earn their position through some form of competition or domination over other males. The tool to their trade is aggression.

That’s all fine and dandy for a pride of lions. But… what about humans?

When most people picture an Alpha male in their head, they usually think of a really buff guy who’s very aggressive and presents himself as such. He’s the guy who gets all the ladies, because he’s confident with that bad-boy edge all the women swoon over. He is the epitome of testosterone. Not too unlike our Alpha males in the pride of lions.

Here’s the thing, though. Humans are not lions (sadly). Our social structure is much more complicated than theirs. Men in today’s society no longer win power by way of simple aggression and domination. If they did, they would probably be in prison. In order to be successful, men must present confidence and assertiveness, but in a less aggressive manor. Social grace, intelligence, and respectfulness are shared traits amongst some of the most successful men in society.

So why do we continue to teach men to be “Alpha as F#%k” (like the t-shirts say)?

In my three years in ROTC, I’ve met a good amount of males (both in ROTC, current active duty/reserve/national guard, and veterans) that would fit the prototypical Alpha male category. They were very aggressive, dominant, and power-hungry. And I’ll tell you something: they don’t always make the best leaders. They are often head-strong, often perceived as rude, and don’t negotiate well. They think that bullying, yelling, and shouting is the way to make things go faster and move in their favor. New suggestions or ideas are viewed as a challenge to authority. They often struggle with empathy, which is one of the most important leadership traits.

(Side note: Understand that I am not and do not claim to be in active duty military. I am in ROTC, a training program run by the US Army to commission officers into the military upon graduation. In essence, I am still in training and will enter active duty when I graduate.)

However, I have met men (military and otherwise) who were, in my mind, the true definition of an Alpha male. They were level-headed, polite, and respectful. They exhumed confidence with every word spoken. They knew how to give instruction in a polite yet assertive manor. They valued self-improvement and excellence in everything they did. These were the guys that you just knew were in the military simply by the way they carried themselves.

So what makes these men different? They weren’t aggressive, because they didn’t need to be. They had nothing to prove to anyone. That, in my mind, is the true meaning behind being an alpha male. Their touchstone is not aggression, but humility.

Many of these real Alpha men in the military carry badges, skills, and tabs to pay credence to their skill. And if you ask them about these markers, they will simply shrug it off. To them, they didn’t earn these medals because they wanted to pound their chest and scream, “Look at me!” They earned them because they wanted to be the best that they could be. Accolades aren’t important to them. A job well done is all that matters.

One of the most coveted accolades in the US Army is the Ranger tab. It’s earned by enduring a 61-day course designed to teach small-unit tactics and put your physical, mental, and emotional limits to the test (you might have heard about some women passing this course for the first time). Lots and lots of men talk about how much they want that tab. And lots and lots of men never get it. Why?

Every guy I’ve ever met that earned the Ranger tab didn’t get that tab because he wanted to show it off at bars and nightclubs. They did it because they wanted to develop and push themselves to their limit. They didn’t want to prove to the world that they were tough. They wanted to prove to themselves that they were tough.

So what’s the take home message? The true way to be an Alpha male isn’t by way of force. It’s by a desire and a passion for self-improvement. It’s by focusing on making yourself the best you can be and helping other people on that journey.

Just remember; if you truly are the best at what you do, then you have no need to show it off. Your actions will speak for you. If you’re not the best at what you do, then you better shut your mouth and start learning from the best.