All my life, people have viewed me as sort of a "lone wolf." My daily norm of finding that perfect corner in a coffee shop to sit and read or write on my own seems to strike my friends as somewhat odd, and my habit of sitting alone at the dining hall tends to attract reactions of pity from those around me. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but there isn't just one group where I completely fit in. Throughout high school, this saddened me because it seemed everyone knew exactly where they belonged except for me. But now that I am in college, I am able to see that it is completely natural.
Speaking of high school, it was one of the worst experiences of my life, mainly because of my solo tendencies. Honestly, you couldn't pay me enough to go through another minute of high school. Where I went, cliques were extremely evident mostly because almost everyone was related to one another (except me), so even though I could relate to some of the other girls in my class, I would never fully be "one of them." This was OK though. I still joined some teams and clubs and even found myself to become captain of one of them. Team bonding events and banquets were still pretty awkward, though.
When I got to college, I was super nervous. I was worried that it was going to be just like high school, and if I didn't find my group right away, I was going to be an outcast for the next four years, again. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Now, I have friends all over campus, of all ages, with a wide range of majors. I still don't have a "group," but that's OK. I know that I will always have someone to turn to somewhere on campus.
Now, of course, I have come across a handful that are still pretty stuck in their high school ways. I have met people who won't be friends with others who have different majors, and this is pretty absurd. I have also met many who like to hold onto high school drama, and I am glad to say that I am past that. When I meet these people, I can't help but laugh and think to myself how lucky I am to be so open-minded. The drama and discrimination used to get to me, but now it doesn't bother me one bit.
I have had to come to terms that I will always be my number one fan when I am in the "real world," and I can't be dependent on someone else to make me happy and confident. This has led me to be a strong individual who can hold her own. This seems to scare some off, especially guys. Many people seem to get intimidated by a strong sense of self-confidence. They view it as being cocky. I can guarantee you that I am not. I just can't help but support and respect my self, and I can't help the fact that I may be more reserved around others. Along with cocky, I have also been referred to as stuck up, uptight and cold because of my lifestyle and personality. Ridiculous, right?
I know I am not alone. I have met several others who like their alone time just as much as I do, so whenever someone views my behavior as strange or unnatural, I know for a fact it isn't. If you are like me in this way, know that you are not alone. You will find the friends who will actually accept you for who you are instead of ditching you or ridiculing you. You will find the things you are passionate about, and eventually, you will find the guy, or girl, who loves you for everything you are and stand for. You aren't weird or peculiar. You're you.
