I, like most people, struggle with self-esteem.

I am very hard on myself a lot of the time, and I have found that I've got lots to pick on. I'm 20 years old and I stopped growing at age 14, leaving me stuck at four feet and nine inches. Clothes shopping is a nightmare because I have the appropriate curves for someone my age, but I wasn't graced with any of the height that usually comes along with puberty. Jeans never fit right, and any clothing that would fit me length-wise isn't so accommodating to my chest and hips. My thighs splay out when I sit down. I have a soft belly that forms rolls when I lean over.

I'm pursuing a difficult field of work where I will be compared to others constantly, and while that may sound like the worst possible field for someone with self-confidence issues, it has actually helped me a lot. On the second day of my acting class, we were playing a game and I thought my part had ended so I started back towards my seat. I realized quickly that I wasn't done yet, so I looked at my professor and blurted out a quick "Oops! Sorry!" to which my professor replied "Why are you sorry? I didn't tell you not to sit down, you don't need to apologize for making a decision!" and that really made me think.

I post a lot of pictures on Instagram. I mean a lot. Most are accompanied by the hashtag "#ootd" which means "outfit of the day." I like wearing cute clothes and doing my makeup and hair, and so when I'm proud of my appearance, I will post a picture! I didn't think much of it until I was talking to my friend the other day and she said "I was stalking you on Instagram last night, which was a commitment since it seems like you post a selfie every five minutes, but dang how do you post so many pictures in bathing suits? I would never be able to do that!" I laughed it off since I do have quite a few pictures like that! She followed up with "But really, how are you so pretty?" and without missing a beat I replied "Makeup and editing!" and we both laughed, but as I sat there and thought about what I had said, I realized that I don't know how to take a compliment and truly believe it.

It is so easy to fall into self-deprecating replies when someone calls you pretty, and that is sad. I hate hearing people — most often girls, but some guys as well — get ridiculed for posting numerous pictures of themselves. Why do others feel this is necessary? No one should be shamed for feeling good about themselves and wanting to share their pride.

This is why I am making a concerted effort to be more proud of myself, to accept compliments and believe them, and to love myself unabashedly. I don't have to apologize for posting a selfie if I feel particularly pretty that day! I am allowed to love myself and to feel pretty, because, to quote my theatre professor, I am me and I am special. I am allowed to feel just as pretty in a pair of sweatpants as I do in a dress, to feel as pretty wearing makeup as I do without it. I am allowed to be me, and I don't have to say that I'm sorry because I'm not! It's not going to be easy. I'm going to have bad days where I feel like a gremlin and don't feel prepared to face the outside world, but I'm sticking to it. Love, especially self-love, is louder than the pressure to be perfect.