It takes a journey to figure out yourself and truly learn to love yourself.

While I may have been an only child I believe that I have never truly been on my own. I have always been around my parents, at extracurricular events with others or I would honestly just hang out with my dogs. I think that a lot of time with all those people constantly around you while it is helpful, loving, and fulfilling in a lot of ways it is also hard to clearly see yourself when you are living through others. I love my family, I love my friends and meeting new people. Yet I can't help but think that this time alone has given me a fair bit of clarity. I think that if you keep living a plan or living for what your life is supposed to be you end up losing yourself along the way. The plan of stay in college makes sure you get your degree in four years, have a resume to get a real job, have a set group of friends forever, a long term relationship, a good relationship with family, and make sure to have a crazy fun time in your twenties. All these plans make it so stressful to just be alive. So I strayed from the plan.

Bad things happen but if you stay optimistic while also keeping a realist outlook anything can start looking up

If I hadn't strayed from the path then some of the greatest moments in my life would not have happened. Also, some of the loneliest moments wouldn't have happened either. I think it is fair to say that most of us have felt alone. Not just normal people are not available and you spend the whole day in bed watching New Girl for the hundredth time kind of alone. I mean the people are around you but you just don't feel apart of it alone. I mean that the when no one is around the alone feeling, turns into the hardest lonely feeling that sweeps your breath away. It hurts. I mean it truly hurts.

Yet, without the lonely, I don't understand myself. I wouldn't know how to turn lonely into alone, and turn being alone into being myself, and turn myself into being happy. I wouldn't know how to be happy without that darkness in me. At some point, you have to learn that that dark spot is just a piece of you that you will likely always feel. It's just making it a part that may be harder to love but you love nonetheless.

This time here where there is no mom or dad to see every day or the fact that they are a six-hour drive or a hundred dollar plane ticket away is what was needed to figure that out. Being under the pressure of being on your own gives you that time to actually be alone and learn to be happy on your own. Whether it be watching New Girl for the hundredth time or spending the day going to the mall alone it can be an adventure because it is you being you and turning lonely into something more. Maybe I am just an optimist but if you take time to know me you can trust I am always a realist at heart and that is the truth.

Do the unexpected.

Taking this internship was a chance to do the unexpected. It was something that I just had to do once I got in. Even on a deeper level applying was a chance. I think I did it mostly to embrace a change. I set the stakes and somehow against odds I got exactly what I wanted and how can you say no in those moments? How do you pass this kind of an opportunity up? You don't. You go all in and take a chance and not so unusual it tends to pay off. So do the unexpected and I promise eventually it was pay off.