National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Before you decide to leave this world forever, please take a few moments to consider what you will be leaving behind.
Suicide is not an open door that offers an escape from the pain, as it may seem in the midst of your darkest moment. Opening this door will not free you, but only allow unfathomable sorrow to rush in, washing over all of those you leave behind.
You will not be getting rid of the pain you felt, but instead multiplying it and depositing it onto each and every heart that aches from your absence. Your mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, lab partner, English teacher, aunts, uncles and friends of friends will all feel the pain of this loss. The person who finds your body will never get the image out of their mind. Ever. Each and every person in your life will forever wonder how they could have let this happen and what they could have said or done to save you.
But more than thinking of what you will leave behind, think of all you will leave ahead.
As kids, we had dreams of traveling to space or exploring the depths of the oceans. Your younger self-imagined a life full of laughter, joy, adventure, and love. What would your younger self say to you now? What words of encouragement would they offer?
You have so much to look forward to. There is so much you have yet to do.
Have you seen the Northern Lights?
Gone skydiving in Switzerland?
What about living on a sailboat for a month with a few of your best friends?
One day you could have three dogs, or be sitting on the porch of your home with your partner, looking out at your grandkids playing in the yard.
If you go now, you'll miss:
The sound of rain pouring on the windows, laughing until your sides ache, fresh chocolate chip pancakes on a Sunday morning, getting off the plane in a place you've never been before, the smell of October, strangers smiling at you just because, deep talks late at night and the laughter of little kids being tickled.
What about puppies, cloudless blue sky days, pumpkin patches and Christmas trees, books that make you feel everything all at once, hugs from people who love you, and the feeling of warm leather car seats against your legs?
Depression can feel indescribably overwhelming, but you have so much in this life to live for, and there are things you can do to be excited about living again.
First, if you haven't already, make an appointment with a therapist. Reaching out is an important first step to feeling like you again. This person may be enough to get you through this difficult time you're facing, or they may suggest an antidepressant.
I once heard antidepressants described like this:
If you are treading water and constantly focused on not drowning, then all of your energy is being used for this. An antidepressant can work like a flotation device to bring you to the surface so you can use your energy to move forward, toward islands you've been wanting to travel to.
Meditation, like the one in the video below, can also be a powerful tool to helping calm your mind.
For right this second, though, all you need to do is breathe in, breathe out, remember how wonderful life can be, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Sending you all my love today and always.
