“Put others before yourself” is a universal phrase created in order for others to adapt more refined social behavior and manners. Although it is a respectful phrase, it does not encompass all that should be taught in this age and society. The ability to accept others follows when we become capable of accepting ourselves. In order to achieve that, you cannot feel guilty about putting yourself first.

There is a preconceived outlook on the concept of putting oneself before others, but with further examination, it’s obvious that it’s not selfish, but rather nourishing. So many times, people give, give, give and forget to receive. By not putting your goals and preferences first, you’re neglecting yourself. To start adopting the concept of putting yourself first, here are some steps to help you out.

1. Accept the elephant in the room

Accept the elephant in the room (aka your flaws). Accept them because how can you expect to love someone else if you can’t love yourself first? Before anything else, understand that you have flaws (because everyone does!) and fall in love with them. Once you do this, you are now able to understand that you’re awesome and deserve the absolute best and from then on you can start putting yourself first.

2. Work work work work work work (on yourself)

 Choose some time and put aside all other obligations in order to fully focus on yourself and create “you time.” During this time slot do something that’s fun, relaxing, or makes you happy. Use this to your advantage because many times we forget that our bodies and minds need time to unwind. Remember that your health is just as important as anything else you have to do (maybe even more!). So work on your goals, focus on what excites you, and understand it’s okay to put yourself first.

3. Sorry, not sorry

Recognize when you don’t need to apologize. Understand that there is no need to say “sorry” for anything that makes you happy. Don’t allow anyone to trouble you about something that brings you joy. If you do something that bothers another person and doesn’t pertain to them, then that’s their problem, not yours.

When administering these steps, remember not to neglect your friends, family, or loved ones. Just understand that you are more useful to others when you’re at your best. So give yourself that extra day off, take that time to yourself and treat yo' self. Grasping the idea that self-interest is healthy, not selfish, is one of the most important things you can do.

Don’t be afraid to say: “Today is the day to focus on me.” Understand who you are and what you want then go for it. The only thing we truly have control of is ourselves, so learn that it is okay to put yourself first.