First came man, then came beer, then came beer pong. Over the years many people have created games with the same objective: to get the players drunk. There’s Slap Cup, Beer Ball, Quarters, and many more. But, just like humans evolved from apes, every drinking game has evolved from Beer Pong. At this point in my spew I would like to let you know the rules, but if you don’t know the rules of Beer Pong by now, actually there is no “if,” you 100% know the rules by now. Anyway, when you play this game, you usually end up playing with the same types of people. Get ready to point to your friends and be like “bro, that’s so you,” because here are Beer Pong stereo types.
1. THE CELEBRITY
“Yo celeb shot.” “Yo lemme get a celeb shot.” “Bro, if I miss this you can hit me.” We all know this kid, maybe sometimes you are this kid. This is the kid who for whatever reason is not on the table this game. What do you want him to do, sit down and tighten up? No way, he needs to warm up and keep that arm loose. This kid needs that celebrity shot and is not taking no for an answer. So, whenever you get the ball back just be ready to hear in the back of your ear: “yo hook it up with a celeb shot.” Eventually, you can’t take it anymore, this kid’s voice becomes like nails on a chalk board. Angrily you give him the ball hoping it will just shut him up. When this happens the “celebrity’s” face lights up, while promising he won’t let you down. He then proceeds to take his shot, and 1 of 2 things will happen he will make it or miss it. Either way he will want another one. Just like you can’t give a mouse a cookie, you can’t give a “celebrity” a celeb shot.
2. THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTER
This is one of my personal favorites because this stereo type has 2 sides to it. The Harlem Globetrotter is the player who exclusively takes trick shots. There is the kid who makes them and the kid who doesn’t. If you are lucky enough to play at a table with a Harlem Globetrotter who makes his shots , you are truly blessed because this is the equivalent to a unicorn. Turn on the tune of Sweet Georgia Brown, get out a camera, some popcorn and enjoy. Watching all of these behind the back, off the wall, no-look shots that just keep magically going in. But, if you are playing on a team with a player who misses all their trick shots, prepare for secondhand embarrassment and back pain. You will be carrying the team on your back the whole game while your teammate gets frustrated, mutters curse words the whole time and keeps telling you the next one will go in.
3. THE SOBER SALLY
If you have not been able to relate to any of the stereo types listed so far, this is one that should ring a bell. Every game of Beer Pong has that one player that just does not drink. When the other team makes a cup, the Sober Sally just sips it the whole game or just doesn’t even drink it at all. Then every other cup made gets poured into the first cup. Finally, they place the cup down and put another cup on top of it sideways. Sickens me.
4. THE SHIRTLESS GUY
There’s always one.
5. THE CHOKER AND THE CLUTCH PLAYER
This is a fun one. The Choker is the player who is the clear MVP the whole game, i mean the kid is killing it, that is until … the final cup. He tries and tries at that cup for days, while the other team slowly catches up. Then you have the clutch player. This player has not even come within the same area code as a cup the whole game, that is until … the final cup.The kid sinks it in one shot and its game over, the crowd is in shock. Together, these 2 stereo types make an unstoppable team.
6. THE REFEREE
Definitely the absolute worst player there is. The kid should have brought a whistle and a stripped shirt because he knows all the rules so well. This kid is calling rules that you didn’t even know existed. But if there is a rule he knows it and will be throwing it in your face.
7. THE SORE LOSER
Every game has one. They could be hard to find because this person may be the nicest person in the world. But as soon as they lose. Oh god, alert the authorities and take cover because things are about to get crazy. Prepare for screaming, cursing, the table to be flipped, and much more. Sometimes, for the benefit of the house, it may just be better to let this kid win.
8. FUTURE
This is a pretty annoying player. A lean is when a players elbow is over the table while shooting. This player leans so much they call him Future. Sure he’s making most of his shots, but that is because is halfway to the cup when he shoots.
9. THE TRASH TALKER
Our next stereo type is one of the most common ones in any game. You might have just met this kid but he is going to verbally assault you while you shoot, after you shoot, sometimes maybe after the game.
10. THE GUY WITH THE WEIRD FORM
There is always one player with the weirdest shooting form you have ever seen. It is almost as if he is trying to do a trick shot. But, you are wrong. He shoots like this every single time. And, you know what? It works!! I couldn’t tell you how, but it works.
11. THE GIRL
I am not saying this to be sexist, but Beer Pong is normally played by males. However, if it is being played at a party, a girl will usually play. This just throws off the whole dynamic of the game. Every boy at the table now feels the need to let this girl win. She gets the ball back on missed shots just by putting a sad look on her face.
13. THE ALUM
“Hey kids I see you’re playing Beer Pong, you know back in the day the old man wasn’t too bad at this game.” Then he decides to prove it. Is this guy someones dad? Is he an alum of the frat? No one knows, but he is there, and he is there to win.
