Somewhere between elementary school and
A couple weeks ago, someone told me, "the harder the major, the uglier the girls." This is exactly where the disconnect is. It is not in "looks": it is in acknowledging a girl's physical features over her intelligence. It's discouragement. It's discouraging for girls to be noticed for not being as pretty as other girls rather than being acknowledged for getting an A in an upper-level science class or scoring the highest on a test.
I'm not advocating to stop telling girls that they're pretty. By always and only praising beauty, you're encouraging the idea that her worth is based on her appearance. Tell her she's pretty because of who she is: the way her hair curls on a particular day, how you can see all her freckles, how sweet the gap between her teeth is. Tell her she's pretty because she's powerful and in charge of her beauty. The message you send to girls, whether it's your girlfriend, your daughter, or your best friend, should be that beauty and brains are two completely different things. What you encourage should not diminish the other: encouraging beauty does not mean discouraging brains.
I'm also not advocating to stop being feminine. Being feminine doesn't inhibit intelligence, but encouraging femininity over striving to be intelligent does. Promoting femininity doesn't mean promoting feminine stereotypes, like "dumb blonde", or perpetuating "feminine careers". Promoting femininity means to embrace being female. Being feminine is an empowering choice. It's empowering to want to break down barriers in male-dominated fields without giving up aspects of being feminine that make you feel good about yourself. It's empowering to want to be the first do something or discover a major breakthrough without feeling at a disadvantage from femininity like we're shown it is.
The harder the major, the more brilliant and empowered the girls. The harder the major, the less the girls care about what anybody thinks because those girls are too busy kicking ass in all they do to think twice about your opinion of them.
Build the girls in your life up any way you can because there are way too many things that will tear them down. Don't be the one to discourage intelligence and empowerment. It's time to tell them they're pretty brilliant.
