“I wish I was beautiful…”

I have uttered this sentence to myself countless times throughout my adolescent and young adult life. The struggle to maintain a healthy body image in the midst of today’s world is difficult, to say the least. Throw anxiety based disorders, chronic physical ailments, and a laundry list of prescription medications to treat these illnesses into the mix and inevitably you end up with a warped view of yourself. For a long time, I did not think I had a right to feel beautiful. Now at my absolute heaviest, 234 pounds, and arguably the absolute sickest I have ever been, I finally realize that true beauty is not definitive, but rather subjective to each individually wonderful human being in this world.

There is nothing that can make you feel more insecure than your own criticism. We are living in a world where self-deprecation is commonplace, and self-esteem is severely lacking. We live with the notion that who we are is not enough, and that we must change constantly to meet standards that we feel the world has set for us. What does this warped system cost us?

This mentality cost me quite a bit in my battles with chronic illness until I realized that other people’s expectations could not rule over my life. I have fought the demon of self-deprecation every day for a long time, mistaking this beast for humility, but they are far from the same. The definition of humility is having a modest opinion of your own importance. This has nothing to do with negating the beauty of yourself, or not seeing any good within who you are. This simply means acknowledging your privilege and realizing that your existence does not topple over someone else’s. For years, I battled the thought that humility could not exist without self-loathing, but I finally realized that you can still be a humble person even if you love who you are.

Realize the truth in this statement – to be beautiful is not to be defined by society’s “ideals”, but rather to be who you are without hesitation or apology.

Beauty does not rest solely in the value of appearance, but also in the borders of someone’s heart and spirit. Let your heart shine through with love and light, let your spirit laugh freely and speak kindly, and see how much beauty you release into the world. Never let the confines of the world keep you from being who you are and loving every minute of it. You are worthy of happiness, and you are worthy of love. Please do not forget that.

So many times I have seen people who are tearing themselves down because they fear who they are is not enough. This can be because of illness, struggles with mental health, or an overall warped I have felt that way many times, but I have never felt that way about another person I have ever met. Ask yourself, how often have you ever looked at someone and thought, “they are not beautiful in any way, shape, or form?” I am confident that for many of you the answer is never. Because something that we forget is that other people do not see us the way we see ourselves. You may look in the mirror and see everything that you hate, but people around you see things that they adore. A great sense of humor, a beautiful smile, a light. Never let go of that. Because what you see in people when you look at them is probably what people see in you as well; an overwhelming amount of beauty.

We all have the ability to show people the beauty within themselves, but we also must open our own eyes to the beauty that lies within us. Stories of struggle may scare you but they only make your story more poignant. Do not be hesitant to share the hurdles of your life, because raw emotion only adds to your beauty. Above all else, remember that you are who you are for a reason. You were not created by accident, and everything about who you are, flawed as it may be, is beautiful simply as it is now.

You are more than a body; you are a heart, a soul, and a human being. If you ever feel you cannot love yourself just know that exactly who you are, right now, at this moment, is more than enough. You are beyond worthy of love and acceptance simply by existing. You are beautiful exactly as you are. Live your life proudly no matter what, because you deserve that. You deserve to love yourself.