Media, celebrities, you name it; people all around us are constantly fixated on an unattainable "ideal" body image that is starting to deteriorate girls everywhere. If someone hasn't told you this before, then let me be the first to say that beauty is not defined by a number on a scale, or the size you wear. More importantly, it's how you feel on the inside, and that reflects in your eyes. It isn't something physical.
Being a competitive dancer practically my whole life, I was very aware of my personal body image at, let's say, about age three. And trust me, listening to older women tell parents that their three-year-old child was a little on the chunkier side of life isn't something anyone wants to hear. To the people who constantly put people down by commenting on the way they look, or have said you would be prettier if you were a little skinnier, this one goes out to you.
To the woman who told me I'd be a better dancer and more beautiful if I was skinnier:
I bet you didn't know that one day that scared little freshman girl that you criticized and put so much pressure on would one day become a writer. What you thought might have been a small snide comment, or a small gesture of making us stand in a line in sports bras and shorts and looking at us up and down changed my life forever. See, what you thought might have been a simple and discreet comment changed the way that I look at food, calories, other people, and myself.
So, first, let's just get a few things straight here:
- Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way
- You have no idea what journey I have been through in life
- You should learn a thing or two before you start criticizing what other people look like
- Just because I'm not a size two skinny mini doesn't mean I don't have feelings
See, what's really sad is that had this comment and these behaviors been shown six months ago, I would have been completely crushed. Little did you know that I've struggled with my weight for my entire life and have never been happy in my own skin. You didn't know that I lost 30 pounds in that past year alone. And lastly, you didn't know that those comments you said to me started the development of the eating disorder I now struggle with everyday.
See, I still think about those words that you once said to me three years ago. Because of those words I now have an eating disorder. I now think twice before I put anything into my mouth. I now look at myself differently and have less self-confidence than I once had. I'll admit my journey hasn't been easy, but it gets easier each and every day. Each day comes with a different adventure, but I'm stronger because of it.
So you know what? Thank you. Thank you for saying what you said three years ago. Not because I now struggle with an eating disorder, but because I'm now stronger than I ever could have imagined. I'm a fighter and I'm finally gaining back all that self-confidence I once lost. It's because of you that I strive to better myself each and everyday. And you know what? I was beautiful then, and I'm beautiful at where I'm at now, no matter what the scale or anyone else may say.
