Growing up, I was far from petite. I didn't love myself. In middle school, I was 180 to 170 pounds from sixth grade up to about the eighth grade. I struggled with self-image and self-esteem. I would look in the mirror and feel disgusted with the way I looked. I was about five feet tall and lumpy specifically in my stomach area. In my transition to high school, I lost about thirty to forty pounds in a year span. I weighed 130 pounds my freshmen year of high school. Even then, I was disgusted with how I looked. I would look in the mirror, grab my belly fat, and hate myself for being so big. As a result of the negative feelings I weighed upon myself, I didn't feel pretty enough. I battled with myself constantly. I did things that would make me feel prettier. I fell in love with a facade. I began doing things that other girls did so that maybe I could see myself as more than an "ugly, oversized pig". I became proficient at putting makeup on, wearing a more suitable style of clothing, and tried to gain acceptance from others all to feel beautiful. I know what it is like to feel imperfect. I know what it is like to compare yourself to another girl and to feel "not good enough." I have learned, since high school, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, beauty is not just outward appearance, and that I am a valued woman. The truth is, so are you.
Beauty is a debatable word. What defines if someone is beautiful or not? We all have a different perception of what beauty is, but at the same time, it is similar. Media, culture, and society have warped our idea of beauty. When some of us think of beauty, we think of today's models. Some may refer to our Celebrities, but how often do we think of ourselves? How often do you look in the mirror and love what you are seeing? The sad reality is that it can be hard for us to feel beautiful at times. We compare ourselves to the world's standards of beauty: the perfect size, fancy clothes, and photoshop. "Perfection is the disease of the nation." Perfection is the disease of beauty. "Pretty hurts." These lyrics cause a pain in my chest every time I hear them. We get stuck in this cycle of trying to look beautiful and in the end, it damages our view of who we are. We get stuck in this harsh cycle of "fixing ourselves" to please the eyes of others. We lose weight to look like the girls on the tv screen, buy expensive clothing to fit in, and wear a mask to feel pretty. I am not telling you to stop wearing expensive clothing, wear less makeup, or to not do whatever you want on the outside. There is nothing wrong with doing stuff like that! My purpose is to encourage you to love yourself so that whether or not you are wearing certain things you still feel beautiful.
I believe that beauty is internal as well as external. You can be the prettiest woman in the world, yet have the ugliest personality. It doesn't have to be about the looks. When our outward beauty fades away, we will still have our internal, bright personality that remains if we choose to pursue it. "You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. It's all up to you." This quote says it all. Internal beauty is the make up of your attitude, behavior, and actions. When you analyze your life, do you see beauty within yourself? You are in control of it. The inward beauty is more powerful than the outward appearance. When people engage with you over a period of time, it will be that inward appeal that draws them to you.
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "
1 Peter 3:3-4
Regardless, if someone else thinks I am pretty or not, I am a valued woman. My worth is not found in things of this world. I am valued most importantly by God. Honestly, this has been a hard concept for me to remember. On days that I feel worthless, it takes everything in me to remember that I am a child of God. I remind myself of the verse found in Psalms 149, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. " I am made by an amazing God who finds me to be a treasured woman. He sees worth in me when no one else does. I also have family, friends, and a loving boyfriend who values me for who I am. You, too, are a valued woman. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your flaws do NOT define you (outward and inner).
Regardless of your race, bra size, high/low metabolism, or number on the scale you are beautiful.
I leave you with this,
"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. "
Songs of Solomon 4:7
