It kills me and I feel like I am broken into a million tiny pieces but the only comfort I can find is that there is beauty in almost everything in life; beauty in a broken heart, beauty in unrequited love, beauty in being loveless, beauty in seeing the person you very much love happy with holding someone else’s hands, beauty in being selfless enough to let someone go completely even if you felt like as if you could have given them the whole entire world, beauty in falling in love with the wrong person even though your lips fit and hands intertwine and lock perfectly, beauty in a twisted fate or a love gone wrong, and then after every single heartbreak where every single piece of you is left scattered on the floor disarray, there is beauty in a stranger who would take time and put in all their heart and effort to glue all that millions of pieces back together very patiently even if it takes a million lifetimes and reincarnations - and no, there is no need to search and to open your eyes wide expecting and hunting like hell for the next love of your life, it comes really naturally so just wait patiently. No matter how long your heart burns and feel as if its relighting a spark because you would soon develop a strong hatred for letters or perfumes because you would get reminded of their romantic handwritten love letters you woild receive on special days or special occassions and their musky scent whenever you walked into perfume shops, a hatred for looking at passerbys because you would see the exact same goddamn shirt that they wore, an old picture that you would come across and you would totally start reminiscing the exact same memory over and over in your mind like a broken tape, hatred for going to parties because it reminds you of the last time where all of you partied and drank and went wild together and jamming to songs like a huge bunch of hooligans. and knowing your habit of of smoking would also kill you twenty times over every single time because they smoked cigarettes too. But nicotine had always helped to numb the pain even by just a little longer, just so you would not have to have the urge to grab the vodka bottle and calling them back to tell them how much you goddamn miss them, and everything just reminds you of your heartbreaks like pouring a huge bunch of salt into a deep gaping open wound. Also, even though your heart feels like as if it has been set alight with fire, just know that someone will come along with a bucket full of water instead of gasoline so hang on to that little dash of hope you have. The only silver lining you can see is seeing them happy with someone else, and being happy for them even if it is not you.
Stop saying that "Nobody loves me." Stop being bitter when you see couples together in public, just because of the mere fact that you are lonely and alone. And most importantly, stop feeling so sorry for yourself. I know you have probably heard this a thousand million times, but it is always okay to be single. It is totally fine if you are alone. It really is. Love is a magical feeling. And I am sure it must feel amazing to love someone and be loved in return but it is also more amazing to discover more about yourself. Being single does not hinder you from doing the things that you think only couples can do. Travel and get lost in another country with yourself or even your friends. Meet new people, and breathe in more experiences. It does not really matter if you are spending it woth your girlfriend or boyfriend. What is more important is how you are going to remember it. What is more important is how you are gonna live your life. And when you think doing those stuff when you are alone is sad and pathetic, well, you are so wrong. I think it is very liberating, fearless and brave because you have not lived your life to the fullest if you are not ready to be on your own. Since when did your relationship status define who you are and who you want to be? You are built as a whole. As an independent individual. Do not rush into things because eventually, things will just fall into place. All you need to do is just enjoy every moment. Focus on your goals and dreams but most importantly, love yourself. People get so caught up on trying to find a person that will complete them but maybe all you need is just yourself to start saying, "I love who I am.", looking at couples and no longer bitter, but with hope and admiration in your eyes, no longer feeling sorry for yourself. But loving every flaw and mistake you have committed you have committed and embracing the single life. Being single might get hard and lonely sometimes. There is no denying that. But you do not need to be in a relationship to feel loved because you are already loved by so many people. And you do not need anyone to make you feel complete because you can disciver that on your own. Always remember that in the end of the day, all you have is yourself and that is all that really eventually matters.
