This thought crosses my mind more often than I’d like it to. But this is normal, right? What twenty-something-year-old can honestly confess to not worrying about not finding “The One;” their other half, the person they look forward to spending the rest of forever with?

I’ve always thought of myself as somewhat independent, but these thoughts only continue to feel like a whack to the head, whose punches I’m yet to dodge. I envy those who treat these thoughts as moments that can be simply brushed off. Those who don’t worry about finding someone to settle down their lives with.

However natural these thoughts may be, I’ve tried my hardest to battle through society’s norms. Maneuvering my way through the pressures laid out for me by family and friends, and growing past the expectations set out by today's pop culture.

I had to ask myself— would I live my life differently if my expectations of love changed? Would I live differently if I wasn’t searching for it? Love, or rather my yearning for it, was affecting me constantly. It inspired some of my greatest changes, but it was also the reason anxiety crept up on me throughout any part of my day. The thought of my flaws being overwhelming for another person and fixing myself to become someone I wasn’t, became the forefront of my actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve grown cynical the last few months, and my plans began including no one else’s influence. I had to work on my flaws and insecurities for myself and no one else. I had to become my own better half and focus on structuring my life the way I wanted it, instead of wanting love from someone else.

I began to look for self-love. For many people the thought is depressing, but as a 22-year-old the thought was liberating. I’ve begun to overgrow the fear of ending up alone or not finding that other person on the horizon. Without that fear, the opportunities for happiness in my life felt endless.

I could travel the world; live on different continents. Learn to travel outside my comfort zone. I could better my relationships with my family and friends and learn to nurture and appreciate their presence in my life. I could go after my dream job, go back to school and get a third degree, become the cat lady I always joked about becoming.

I wanted to change myself to become someone who was easier to love before, but this adjustment to newfound freedom was a needed release. For now, I’m going to be my own love. Spending time challenging myself, treating myself and building myself to become a better person than I ever thought possible, became the happiness I’d been searching for.

Yes, I’m young, but for now, I’ll stop waiting around for someone to show up and change my life. Instead, I’d become the person I’ve been waiting around for. I’ll create an energy within myself to transform it in ways I didn’t know I was capable of. I’ll begin treasuring the qualities and values I’ve brought into my life.

At this point, you might think I’m crazy, delusional, and looking forward to a lonely life. You might think its cynical and ridiculous. Obviously, this thought process isn’t for everyone. People find contentment in others, push each other to be the best they can be, and thrive in the overwhelming feeling of happiness they come across whenever they so much as think of the others name. And no, the possibility of spending my life with another by my side has never been crossed out completely. Part of me still looks forward to meeting him, but now I’ve learned to never rush any moment and be “The One” for myself.

And although we all journey through life in our own special way, we must remember to be present, through every one of our victories, and every failure. We must learn to pick ourselves up through our fears and celebrate our wins. Learn to push ourselves past what we think are our capabilities. Learn to live confidently, and freely, without the constraints of others thoughts weighing us down. Some of us already found that, some of us will continue searching, and some of us will become “The One” for ourselves.