So you walk into a store and you are kindly greeted by a retail worker. You ignore them or grunt under your breath (whatever helps you sleep at night). A retail worker asks you, "do you need help finding anything?" and you snap back with a sharp no that clearly signifies that you know all of our inventory quite well. You are getting ready to check out and you toss a pack of gum on the counter. Of course, the retail worker is going to make sure that you had a great experience in the store, asks how you are, and if you found everything okay. You mumble something inaudible, but the retail worker assumes it is something not so pleasant. You are told your total and you ever so carefully launch your money at the retail worker whether it be a toss of coins or throwing your credit card at them like a frisbee. The retail worker will fetch it because they have no other choice and put on that happy smile. You grab your bag and your receipt and stumble out of the store.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Well, if it does sound familiar, I have some not-so-great news for you. The news is that: you're an asshole. YOU are the story that gets told to each and every co-worker. YOU are the way we get our cheap laughs in the back room to stop from crying because of how cruel you act toward us. I get it, you may be having a bad day. But so might every single other customer we have that night so let's say we have a thousand people enter a store...and all of them are as miserable as you are...well if I did my calculations properly, I believe that means that I will also be miserable at the end of the night of 1000 miserable faces.

So really, keep it up. Keep treating retail workers like shit because we make jokes about it and if you're really special and a frequent visitor we even remember your face so when you come in we mentally prepare ourselves (laugh) for your time at our store. Now if you are really REALLY a frequent flyer of the S.S. retail chain store, we even know what sections of the store you like to hang out in and we will have an employee to come babysit you until you get so annoyed that you just leave anyway.

So really Johnny keep it up because at the end of the night and the end of the work week and even an entire year from now, your rude and ridiculous story is what makes my Sunday dinners and first dates a little more enjoyable.