Do you ever have days where you look in the mirror and think, "Why am I even here? There is no point." Today, dear reader, is one of those days. I'm not really tired, but I feel like I could sleep forever. You see, I feel like I'm wasting space. I have zero motivation to do anything. I'm stuck. And I don't really care.

It all started three years ago when I had my heart pulled from my chest, thrown on the ground and whipped repetitively. Let me pause for a moment to give you some unsolicited advice: be careful with your heart, be careful who you trust and most of all, be careful when listening to yourself. As humans, we are pre-programmed to hope. Hope is a dangerous thing; too much and you're childish and reality has no hold on you; too little and you lose the will to continue. I haven't completely lost all hope, but I'm close and this is a problem for me.

I'm a Christian. Faith, hope and love are the foundation of my religion. I have the faith and I'm pretty good with the love (possibly too good seeing as I always love more than the other person), but it's the hope I'm lacking in. I believe that God has a plan for me. I love -- at least I do my best to love -- as I am commanded, but I don't hope for an amazing job. Sure I want one, I just am not getting my hopes up because they tend to get crushed. And I don't hope for a relationship because I just don't see that happening for me.

I'm so discouraged, and it worries me. I see so many depressed people not wanting to continue. They don't want to wake up. They don't want to get out of bed. They don't want to eat. They don't laugh. They don't smile. They don't frown. They just aren't living. They are simply existing. I'm beginning to exist. Sure, I laugh at some things. I smile for my family. I do my job, and I do it well, but I'm still losing the desire to anything.

What a lot of people don't seem to realize is how much of an influence "friends" are. When you surround yourself with people who feel the same way you do, you get comfortable where you are. I seem to have surrounded myself with the wrong people. I have a friend who, when I ask how she is, her most common response is, "I'm here." Now, I'm not normally a selfish person, but because of how hopeless I've been feeling, I just want to shake her when she says this. I get that not everything in life is perfect and we all have our struggles, but I force a smile and I try to not be a buzzkill. I completely understand not being mentally present. I also understand that when I feel that way, unless I also feel like I am danger to myself if I'm left alone, I stay by myself. I don't bring my hopelessness out into the world where I am going to possibly ruin someone else's day. I keep to myself.

This is not a rant about my issues with those I'm close to. This is me simply advising those reading to be careful who you trust. Not just with your heart. Be careful who you trust with your bad days and your "I'm here" days. Be careful who you trust with your rants, your secrets and your thoughts. Be careful who you trust with your dark side. Above all, be careful who you trust with your good days. Be careful who you trust with your smiles and your laughter. Make sure you understand that sometimes those who want your good days can't handle your bad days. This doesn't mean you can't be friends with them and that they don't deserve your good days, just make sure they can handle your bad days before giving them to your friends.

Choose your friends carefully. Choose what you share carefully. Choose where you place your hopes carefully. Just, be careful, dear reader. Be careful.