BDSM - the acronym for Bondage, Discipline, (Dominance, Submission), Sadism and Masochism. BDSM is a single acronym that unites a myriad of lifestyles, fetishes, and paraphernalia that may otherwise have nothing in common. With something so erotic and fantasy-like, most people would assume judgments and ideas about the lifestyle that is not true. I shall place quotes around the terms as it does not apply to everyone.

1.) All "Doms/Dommes" Are Abusive

This is not the basis for a BDSM relationship - trust and consent. Most people assume that there is no consent due to there being a "Dom" in the relationship, that they make all the decisions and control the person. In actuality, the "Dom" has a very emotional and deep connection to their "sub" or partner in every way possible (physical, emotional, and mental). There are safe-words in place to ensure the safety and well being of the "sub" from the very beginning (although there are those who create their own).

1.) Green

"Keep doing what you are doing!" This is a sign for the "Dom" to keep doing whatever they are doing to please their "sub".

2.) Yellow

"It is ok, but stop soon." This signals that whatever the "Dom" is doing is ok for the moment, but the "sub" may not want more of the action later.

3.) Red

"Stop! Stop it now!" This is very important sign for the "Dom", as it means that they need to pull away and comfort their "sub" and find out what went wrong, immediately.

2.) The "Dom" Is Always In Control

The "Dom" gets his/her pleasure from fulfilling their "sub's" needs. The "sub" makes the rules before playtime and the "Dom" enacts them, much like a stage show in a play - the director being the "sub" and the actor being the "Dom".

3.) "Subs" Have Low Self-Esteem/Are Weak

Not the case, as it takes alot of strength to give yourself up to someone, especially in an intimate situation. "Only a strong individual with emotional fortitude can agree to let go and entrust herself to the care and protection of an honorable DOM partner… a partner who totally understands and appreciates the value of the gift of trust that they’re being given."

4.) BDSM Is All About Pain

Nope, na-da, zip. Not all cases of BDSM involves pain, it is a power exchange between a dominant and a submissive, which does not necessarily involve pain, humiliation or anything else you are uncomfortable with.

Overall, BDSM is not a lifestyle that should be judged, and of course there are more than these listed that are simple myths about it. It is like saying that someone who prefers oranges are strictly from Florida - it does not work out like that. Just because you see someone with a collar does not mean that they can not function in society as hard-working people.