When you take your first step, the majority of the people there won’t be present to take your last with you. They’ll graduate or move to another school or just find something better to do with their lives. The remainder of the people that started this journey with me were people that had the same passion I did which was to put on a show. They wanted to play along with friends and individuals who loved doing what they were doing which was making sounds and memories. My memories are all vivid, all compacted with sweat and agony, with long stares into the sun, my eyes focused on the drum major. It’s a bittersweet compilation.
Many people know this sensation. The passion for drawing everyone's attention to you and your band and for showing what youre capable of. It is a feeling that many can comprehend. The band nerds, the flag spinners, the dancers, the teachers; they all get it. I was one of those who took every step with precision, and every hit on my drum was as powerful as I thought it could be, though it could have always been more powerful. I loved it for the longest time, but… then I didn’t. Many things happened, many people changed, including myself, and I slowly started to realize my junior year that everything I had loved for the past six years was no longer special to me anymore.
In middle school, if you were to tell me that I would choose never to do band or that I would despise taking a music class, I would look at you with wide eyes and call you a liar. And looking at myself back then, I wish I could tell myself what I was getting into. Middle school band was fun. It consisted of performing pieces I liked, a band teacher I got close to, friends I loved talking to, and gave me a reason to actually try and work for something. But high school changed everything. The commitment has a heavier punishment if you neglect it. It packs a heavier punch if you abuse it. I could compare it to having wardens on a playground- so much room for fun and adventure but so many rules stopping you from exploring what could be. Most of the rules are practical, but a lot of them are abused.
I think the most frustrating thing I found about being a band is that you’re one unit. It’s a cell. Everyone has their specific duties to perform and guidelines to follow, and if one malfunction occurs, it could all go downhill. The simplest mistake could cost the whole band. And most of the time the mistakes were made out of carelessness and not by accident. People wouldn’t practice, so a part of the song sounded terrible: restart. Someone wasn’t listening on what part of the show we were on so they moved to the wrong spot: restart. And the punishment was inflicted on all of us.
And of course, if the democracy of the unit isn’t steady, it makes everything ten times worse. Poor judgment and lack of caring played a big part of why I despise band, and most of it wasn’t a student’s handy-work. I’ll leave it at that.
Other things contributed to this conclusion. People left that made band fun, people arrived who made things worse, and people acted entitled because they thought they were the best, etc. The list goes infinitely on.
Let’s cut to the chase, why am I writing this? It’s not to just bicker about how traumatizing band was or to bash everyone I didn’t like on paper. It’s to warn people about doing something they may regret. Not just band in general. Think of a passion you have, when you first found it. I imagine you were excited and couldn’t stop doing it because you saw the joy it brought you and the way it made you feel. Now think... could you see yourself doing it nearly every day for two years? Four? Seven? If not, then take caution. Enjoy the experiences it brings now, but know if you ever start to feel the passion die out or the output becoming less valuable, take yourself out of it. Staying can make you more miserable and may bring regret. And the regret won’t just be imposed on the actual passion. You’ll associate it with all the friends you made, all of the good things that happened, and all of the memories.
As my mother always says, if it’s not fun, it’s work.
“Control thy passions lest they take vengeance on thee.” -Epictetus
