Recently, my six-year-old sister and I were discussing cliques in school for a book she wanted to write (yeah, seriously), and I asked her how she feels when she isn't a part of one and this is what she said.
"Sometimes I feel sad and lonely but sometimes I feel confident and happy because I am proud of not being part of a club. It's like–it's like I'm a banana and they are a rock. And banana beats rock!" She smiled when she said that.
I didn't get what she meant at first with the whole banana beats rock thing, but then she went on to explain how bananas are soft and sweet, and rocks are hard and mean and they hurt people. When she was a part of a group her classmates were mean to other groups and they acted "suspicious." But when she was alone, she was nice to everyone and she wasn't part of "all the problems." She didn't have to be mean and she liked that.
I realized two very important things from this small conversation: one, cliques are a huge problem! And, two, as older siblings, we need to poke around our siblings' lives at times to find out their problems so we can help them.
It's sad to see that my sister who is only six years old is already worrying about not fitting in and is already feeling sad over not belonging. Although her words were very encouraging and inspirational, I could see the hurt in her eyes as she said them. Sure not being part of a clique saved her the drama, but she also didn't want to be alone. She felt like she didn't belong, and despite having a positive attitude, her tone almost betrayed her.
Usually, I face this sort of drama with middle-schoolers and even with adults, by that point we accept the friendship dilemmas. However, when little kids who are still developing their minds and thoughts, who are still so new to the world, are faced with friendship problems, almost inevitably it can become an insecurity. Now, that insecurity can either bring them up or down, which depends on how they process it, but nevertheless, it does lead to an insecurity.
The fact that there are some kids in her class who think that they are of authority to bring in and kick out their fellow classmates from hanging out with each other shows that there is something wrong with both our society and education system. Kids need to learn to accept each other and hang out with each other regardless of how different another person is. They need to learn unity so that when they grow up that is the essence of who they are.
The biggest problems in today's world are our lack of unity with each other. We differentiate, we separate, we alienate each other and then we hurt them even more like bullies. Soon that is turned into destroying a whole nation.
It's the small things that matter.
These kids watch us grownups pick and choose our friends, talk bad about the people we "do not like" behind their backs, and sometimes even badmouth them to their face. What are they going to do with each other when they grow up if this is what they learn to do as kids? It is very important for all of us to be extremely thoughtful about what we do in front of kids around us.
In addition, we need to be more alert when it comes to the people around us. Many of us are so worried about what is going on in our lives, we forget to look to the side and see the problems of the people we love and care about. Very few people are going to come up to you and randomly rant their problems to you even if they need help.
The same goes for our siblings. If you are an older sibling, I hope you realize the responsibility you were born with. You are essentially a second parent to your younger siblings -- except you are the cooler, younger version that your siblings look at as a role model. With that in mind, if done the right way, you can be the answer to their problems.
Far too many people I know have no relationship with their siblings. Whether they live or die seems to not matter to a lot of us young adults, and that is bad. Very bad.
Small issues like feeling like you don't belong or being bullied in school or simply feeling upset, if not shared can lead to bigger issues. I didn't even realize how much this was affecting my sister until we started talking about it. It's very, very important to have discussions with your siblings and parents about whatever is going on in your life. As older siblings, I think we have to poke around and get our siblings talking. At least be aware of the issues they face.
If you can't help them, maybe someone you know can help them. At the end of the day who helped them doesn't matter. What matters is that the problem was shared, and was collectively worked upon to be solved. And that is a BIG achievement.
