Many, many moons ago, this campus had something great.

Football tailgates? Regular-priced Chik-fil-a? Greek housing? Toilet paper that didn’t make your ass bleed? No, Florida Gulf Coast University didn’t have any of those spectacular things, but we did have a bar. Yes, that’s right you damn degenerates, a bar that served the sweetest of all nectars: alcohol.

It was rightfully named “Baldies Game Room.” You know that place that serves bagels, overpriced sandwiches and shitty coffee, Einstein’s? Yeah, well, some genius decided it would be a better idea to take out the bar and replace it with a bagel shop. Don’t get me wrong, Einstein’s can make a delightful bagel, but I’d rather catch a buzz heading to class than an everything bagel with cream cheese.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t attending college in the Stone Age when this campus decided to resort to communism and kick the bar off campus, but I’d imagine it was something great. I imagine you’d head to campus and know you’re in for a good time: a little drinking, a little learning, a couple heaters in between and some more drinking. But much like many of our American rights and the confederate flag, it was stripped from us. I’m sure there were many naysayers that claimed drinking on campus weakened memory, affected learning and encouraged drinking. Well FGCU, I’m about to hit you up with some knowledge.

According to the American Journal of Epidemiology, alcoholic beverages such as beer, wine or liquor improve mental functions because they increase blood flow to the brain. Hey, it’s science, and I’m not going to argue it.

So drink up, FGCU.

I recently sat down and talked to FGCU alumnus Peter Ryther, who was student body president in 2010.

“FGCU was a better place when Baldies was around,” Ryther said. “People were generally happier on campus. You’d get out of class and grab a beer after an exam. Times were better then. Now I hear FGCU serves shots of wheat grass instead of Bacardi 151.”

Ever since I was young, my childhood dream was to attend a university with a nice pub on campus. I’d like to achieve that dream before I graduate in several years.

Just imagine walking into a student union where students and teachers are sharing a beer together after class, bartenders are slinging shots rather than coffee orders, classmates are taking Saki bombs together and, most importantly, FGCU students are enjoying their college experience.

Let’s bring democracy back to FGCU and reclaim “Baldies,” the bar that was rightfully ours.