If you haven't heard of this movement, crawl out from under your rock and join in. This is the biggest movement of the 21st century, and it's about time the word was posted on the world wide web. "Going bald was the best decision I have ever made," claimed Betsy Ross, the woman who sewed the American Flag. Even history supports the facts. If you haven't taken part in the world's next epidemic, go get the razor and hop on the bandwagon.
Here's why:
1. You wont have to worry about anything getting stuck in your Chapstick-slathered lips when the wind blows.
There isn't anything I hate more than when I'm feeling on fleek when all of a sudden my lips and my luscious locks become one in the wind, tangled together and all over my face. Not anymore. Yeah. That's right. Take out that Eos and slather up them lips in a windstorm cause you ain't got no locks to worry about no more.
2. Everyone's doing it.
Coachella 2016's outfit catalog released breaking news: out with the braids and flower headbands, in with the sleek and shiny. It's the newest hipster thing. Everyone's doing it, but like it's not mainstream yet, so don't worry. It's the perfect time for you to be the trendsetter you've always wanted to be. Britney was just one step ahead of all of us. She wasn't your childhood hero for nothing.
3. 2 words: Time. Saver.
The time it takes you to get ready is now shaved to 30 seconds, pun intended. You barely even have to look in a mirror anymore. And seriously, what better hairstyle to go with yoga pants and a crew neck than being bald, am I right? That 8 am class? Have no fear, you can wake up at 7:45 and make it on time now that you don't have to deal with the mop.
4. Were in a drought. Don't be selfish.
Seriously, you're being rude. The amount of water being bald would save in the shower is just tremendous and the fact that you haven't considered it yet is basically slapping planet earth in the face. So much for "going green". If you're from africa eco-friendly, why are you white not bald?
5. No bad hair days.
DO YOU GET IT. BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE HAIR. CAN I GET A WOOT WOOT.6. Decisions made easy.
"Do I straighten or curl my hair tonight?" NEITHER BECAUSE YOU ARE BALD. The world's cure for the indecisive woman. And men, you should support this. Your girl constantly keeping you waiting because she hasn't finished getting ready? Now, "be there in 10" actually means she'll be there in ten. You're welcome.
7. You can finally stick your head in a bucket full of chewed gum.
The day I have waited for my whole life is finally here.
ALL ABOARD THE BALD TRAIN, THE MOVEMENT IS TAKIN' OFF.
