10 Baffling Moments In “All Roads Lead Home” (2008)

10 Baffling Moments In “All Roads Lead Home” (2008)

This is a kids movie.

Dennis Fallon’s 2008 coming-of-age drama “All Roads Lead Home” is described by Google as a film about a “young girl struggling with the death of her mother (who) finds love with a small puppy named Atticus,” but don’t let that ordinary kids movie description fool you: there is so much more going on here. So much more.

This movie tries to tie everything together by the end. It does have a plot. It does have character growth. Then why, oh why, is it such a struggle to get through the film, let alone care about anything that’s happening? Let’s dig in:

1. The opening shot is only 3 seconds overhead of a car driving

...and then the shot changes to one of a mother reading a book on a porch, with no explanation whatsoever. Confused? Get used to it: the editing and transitions throughout the film go exactly like this.

2. Phrases such as “nomenclative”

...and “our consortium is agreeable to the terms of your stud fees” will be the first of many phrases and moments that make you think, “Isn’t this a movie for kids?”

3. Belle, the protagonist (but is she, really?), is asleep when her mom drives off the road

But the audience isn’t (not yet, at least) and the death is comical. You’re lead to believe there’s a deer in the road, but you can’t see it. If you laugh at a death, namely the tragic catalyst for every conflict and emotional moment in the movie, all hope is lost for the rest of the film.

4. There’s a moment we’re introduced to a vet

...and she’s in the middle of explaining to an Asian client holding a cat that he can’t keep feeding it egg rolls and moo shu pork, to which he replies, “No, no MGH,” as if he wants to keep the cat healthy for when he decides to eat it.

5. Belle’s father suggests he wants to “wring” her

...which is both a horrible pun and a concerning threat. This is a kids movie.

6. The vet hits on Belle’s dad and asks him out, RIGHT after he gets emotional about his wife’s death

Need I say more?

7. Belle’s dad, an animal control worker, rents out a room in a vacant motel

...so he can fill it with cats instead of killing them off. Yes, seriously.

8. When asked how he survives, inn-keeper Peter Boyle goes on a contradictory two-minute monologue

...about how surviving doesn’t matter but being useful does, citing seeing fireballs and rain in front of him as examples of being useful.

9. Belle keeps letting animals escape from pounds

...and stables to rescue them from death, even after her first stunt lead to the death of something like five dogs. This is a kids movie.

10. The final scene of the movie focuses on a parrot

...we see for a total of 30 seconds in the beginning of the film.

Maybe you’re confused. I could explain more, but I don’t think it would help. See it for yourself.

Cover Image Credit: pexels.com

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right

In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"

35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?

39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"

I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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