We all ended 2015 expecting 2016 to be full of bright new beginnings. Unfortunately, the new trend this year seems to be our favorite celebrities dying. First, David Bowie. Alan Rickman followed suit, and now it has been reported that the beloved baby sun from Teletubbies has died.
Long-time fans of the adventures of the Teletubbies will be devastated to know that after several billion years of watching over the fields of Teletubbyland, the mid-sized star ended its existence with an exuberant bang. Observing a nova from a respectable distance can be one of the most exhilarating sights to behold. When such an event transpires in your own solar system, however, the event becomes somewhat more of a bummer.
This beautiful phenomenon unfortunately meant the evisceration of all life in Teletubbyland, the closest habitable environment in the baby sun’s solar system. Not even the Tubbytonic Superdome could withstand the unimaginable force of this adorable explosion. With such a wicked cool name as that, you’d expect it to at least be home to totally rad sporting events such as monster truck fist fighting or electric guitar flameboarding, but its only purpose was to provide ample shelter for four pudgy creatures with the brains of a single licorice whip.
The quadret of colorful characters realized their day of reckoning had arrived, so they gathered to have their last bowls of Tubby Custard and said their final tubby bye-bye. “Po...”, sighed Po. “Tinky-Winky!”, chimed Tinky-Winky. “Dipsy!”, agreed Dipsy. “Jesus Christ, Tinky! This is all your damn fault! If you had just admitted to your sins as a closeted homosexual, we might have lived to see another baby sunrise. But you just HAD to go and tarnish everything sacred in the world. Damn you. Damn you and your handbag. You deserve this,” added Laa-Laa, who tended to be the most conservative amongst the close-knit group of friends. Shortly thereafter, their entire world was engulfed in flames.
While the baby sun may be dead and gone now, a prepubescent black hole has appeared in its place. It goes to show that even the most beautiful things in existence can be conceived from absolute tragedy. Think North West.
